Two Loves I have of Comfort and Despair
by jrrm64
Summary: With a broken heart Tony leaves MCRT for new opportunity at NCIS. But can he leave his old team behind completely?
1. Chapter 1

Two Loves I have of Comfort and Despair

Prologue

Two loves I have of comfort and despair,

Which like two spirits do suggest me still:

The better angel is a man right fair,

The worser spirit a woman colour'd ill.

To win me soon to hell, my female evil

Tempteth my better angel from my side,

And would corrupt my saint to be a devil,

Wooing his purity with her foul pride.

And whether that my angel be turn'd fiend

Suspect I may, but not directly tell;

But being both from me, both to each friend,

I guess one angel in another's hell:

Yet this shall I ne'er know, but live in doubt,

Till my bad angel fire my good one out.

Sonnet 144, William Shakespeare

He was wearing Armani and Armani always made him feel more comfortable, gave him added confidence. It was a charcoal worsted wool 2 button suit. He wore with it a white linen shirt and black tie, giving him a sort Quentin Tarantino cool look. His hair was combed to the side instead of spiky with a little product to keep it in place. Looking in the mirror he gave himself his best Tony DiNozzo smile. Today was the day he was going to finally take a big step with his life: he was going to admit to Ziva his true feelings.

Unlike most days he got to work early, dropped off his overcoat and bag at his desk then headed down to Abby's lab. He knew she was there early because she was running tests for Balboa's MCRT. He entered the lab with a CafPow in hand and saw the happiest Goth on the face of the earth dancing to some Bobby Darin.

"_Goodbye Charlie, hate to see you go. Goodbye Charlie, gee I'm feelin' low. But I'm cluein' you in, someone's doin' you in, pal," _Darin sang.

He got Abby interested in Darin a couple of weeks ago when he had her over for a night of movies and music starring Bobby Darin. They watched _Hell is for Heroes_ and _Come September_ then listened to some of songs Darin swung on.

In her sexy Catholic schoolgirl outfit and raven hair in pigtails she looked like a naughty dream from his teens come to life. When she did a graceful turn she noticed him.

"Tony!" she yelled and rushed into his arms to give him a big hug.

"Woooh, girl, you don't want to spill your CafPow," he said.

"Oooh," she cried out and grabbed the CafPow and started to suck on the straw.

As she looked at him her face went from delighted to concern.

"What are you doing in so early?" she asked.

"Well, today is an important day, a turning point day. We all have them, you know, those days were you finally just gird the loins and take a chance. You know you lay it on the line and your life suddenly changes forever," he rambled.

"Okay, you're nervous so this must be good. Is this MOAS territory?" she asked.

"Maybe, sort of, I don't know. It could be," he said.

"Spill it, DiNozzo. For you to be this nervous it has to be something important. You and I are BFFs so spill," she said.

Tony took a deep breath then let one of his many smiles be his mask.

"Okay, here it is I'm thinking of telling Ziva how I feel about her," he said.

"Oooh, Tony, really. You are going to tell her that you love her, right? That's it isn't it?" Abby said excitedly.

"Yeah, that's it. I'm going to finally roll the dice," he said then made a dice throwing motion. "Luck be a lady tonight!"

"That's why you are nervous," she said.

"Oh, yeah. Wendy and Jeanne were the last two times I told a woman I loved her," he said. "Not the best track record, huh?"

"Well, I know Ziva love you. She's been through some tough times, but I'm sure she loves you, too. She's due down here this morning to pick up a test I ran on the tire tracks you found at the Cpl. Heath murder scene. Why don't I feel her out for you?" Abby suggested.

"How so?" he said.

"Well, you can be in my office with the lights out and door semi-shut and I'll feel her out about her feelings about you," Abby said. "This way you won't be nervous when you talk to her later. What do you think?"

"Abby, you know me. I love to get inside information," he gave her a big sincere smile.

Abby looked at her watch.

"Quick and get in my office. She told me she'd be here at 7:30," smiled Abby.

Tony waggled his eyes and went into Abby's office. He kept the door ajar and stood behind the door. It didn't take long for Ziva to entered Abby's lab. He couldn't see her but he could imagine her dressed for work in sensible pants and boots and not even realize how sexy and beautiful she was in them. Tony tried to still his breath and listen.

"Morning, Abby," said Ziva.

"Ziva," Abby cooed.

Tony could see the hug in his mind's eye. Even now after all these years Ziva was still uncomfortable with the hugs but she accepted.

"The tire belonged to a Hyundai Sonata," Abby said.

"Are you sure?" Ziva asked.

"Positive," answered Abby.

"This will make Gibbs happy. Lt. Molten has a Sonata," said Ziva then she added. "Have you seen Tony? His stuff is upstairs."

"Nope," said Abby. "Do you want him?"

"I am merely being curious to where he is," she said.

"Oh, so you don't want Tony, Ziva," Abby teased her.

"Abby, Tony is my teammate," she said. "Why would I want him?"

"You mean you don't find him handsome?" Abby asked.

Tony closed his eyes and started regretting his decision to be hidden away listening.

"He is Tony. Anyway no one finds Tony more handsome than Tony," she said. "Sometimes he is like a peacock showing off his feathers too much."

He felt the first pierce of the arrow. This was a mistake. He had made a mistake.

"Oh, come on, Ziva, I always thought you had a secret crush on Tony. Don't tell me that you don't find him attractive?" Abby said.

"He is attractive, Abby, and he is also eleven years older than me," she said. Ziva could feel her stubbornness kicking in. She didn't want to be pushed into the truth that she found Tony very attractive and long ago had developed deep feelings for him, though she had learned to keep those feelings buried.

"Oh, I thought…," Abby paused and thought of Tony in the office and suddenly wanted to cry. "I should get back to work. Balboa's team dumped a lot of evidence on me to test."

"I'll give Gibbs the information," Ziva said.

Tony could hear Ziva's footfall exit the lab. He really didn't want to exit the office but he knew he had to face the music. Hell, he had written the song himself.

Opening Abby's door he exited to see his favorite Goth with tears in her eyes. He walked over and gave her a warm hug.

"Oh, Tony, I…," she started to say something but he didn't want to hear it.

"Don't worry, Abby. Everything works for the best. I did say today was going to change my life," he said then kissed the top of her head.

She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly afraid that she was going to lose him. Abby knew Tony well enough to know that his heart was broken. The last time it was broken this bad was Jeanne and that took him years to get over and before that was Wendy and that changed his life. He went from being a romantic to a womanizer who slept with one woman after another to run away from his pain. She didn't know what he'd do this time.

"I got to get to work," he said then strolled out of the lab lacking the joie de vivre he had entered with.

NCIS

Throughout the day McGee and Ziva attempted to draw Tony into conversation but were unsuccessful. Gibbs kept his mouth shut but he noticed. He knew his SFA all too well not to have noticed his mood. More than the mood he read his behavior and knew that DiNozzo was going to do something. He just hoped it wasn't something he'd regret.

"DiNozzo, dinner my place tonight," Gibbs called over to him from his desk.

"Steak cowboy style?" asked Tony.

"What else would we have – pizza?" Gibbs said.

"I'll be there boss with beer and bourbon," Tony said.

Ziva and McGee exchanged glances.

NCIS

He had a six pack of Heinekens and a bottle of Old FitzGerald's Very Special 12 year old bourbon. Gibbs took the alcohol, handed him a Heineken then disappeared with the rest. He returned with two plates and a glass full of bourbon. Off of his makeshift grill in the fireplace he stuck with a fork two large steaks and two potatoes and put them on the plates then handed Tony his dinner.

"Thanks, boss," said Tony, as he tucked into the steak.

Gibbs sat down and looked at the younger man. He'd known him now for over eleven years. Good times or bad times he knew he could always count on him. Running his right hand through his silver hair, his grey blue eyes finally met Tony's ocean green eyes.

"What is it, DiNozzo?" he asked. "Tell me what's wrong."

Tony washed down a mouthful of steak with his beer then he took a deep breath.

"It's time, boss," he said.

"Time for what?" Gibbs asked.

"Time for me to have my own team," he said.

Gibbs sighed then put his fork down and leaned back in his armchair. He thought it would be something personal like another failed relationship, but this was a moment he had thought would never come.

"I always thought I'd pass the team to you once I retired," he said.

"That's not happening anytime soon, boss, and," Tony paused. "I got that itch again. I need a challenge or I'll find it somewhere else."

Gibbs stared at him for a few moments then took a sip of his bourbon.

"Are you sure what is bothering you is you want to lead a team?" he asked.

Tony smiled. Gibbs knew him better than anyone else. Rule number seven – always be specific when you lie.

"McGee is trained up and a damned good investigator and Ziva has become a good investigator and also has turned into your go to agent on tough assignments. I'm feeling like comic relief lately. I want to be more than that," he said.

"Then be more," Gibbs said.

"I intend to. I want my own team. I want to do it my own way and I want to see if that way works," he said.

Gibbs couldn't argue with that, plus he owned Tony nothing but support if he wanted his own team. Yet, his gut was telling him that there was more here than meet the eye.

"I thought you wanted a life and a job, a chance with someone like Wendy and being a good agent. Now you want to lead a team, what has changed?" he asked him.

"I haven't changed, Gibbs. I don't think I'm capable of filling up the two cups. I guess I realized I'm good at only filling up one cup and if that is true then I want that cup to be worth filling up. I want my own team to lead," Tony said once again.

"Tony," Gibbs started to speak, but Tony cut him off. He didn't want to be convinced out of this.

"Gibbs, I hope you're going to support me on this. I think you owe me that much," he said.

Gibbs shut his mouth and considered his alternatives. He could speak out and refuse to support him or he could support him and let him know that he doesn't want him to go.

"We'll talk to Vance first thing in the morning. I'll be by your side and show you full support," he said.

"Thanks, boss," Tony smiled.

He really did need to leave. Part of it was the humiliation he felt and part of it was the feelings he felt.

"Let's eat our steaks," said Gibbs.

"Yeah, it might our last meal together," Tony said then smile. It was a weak smile because Gibbs was the man he wanted to be in some ways. He was a father figure, but much more than that. But as he learned as a child, all things must pass.

NCIS

Ziva was shocked to see Tony in work before her for the second day in the role. Something must be wrong with him and she wanted to know what it was.

"Morning, Tony," she said.

He looked up and looked at her. She was wearing cargo pants and a blue shirt to go with a black vest and leather jacket. Her hair was pulled back and a ponytail emphasizing her widow's peak and her chocolate brown eyes were staring at him. He smiled. It was going to be tough getting over her.

"Morning, Ziva," he said softly.

Before she could ask a question or make a comment, Gibbs stood up and looked over at Tony.

"Are you ready, DiNozzo?" he asked.

"Yeah, boss," he said.

Tony stood up and adjusted the jacket of his black Armani suit then he walked over to Gibbs, who gave him a soft, almost affectionate, head slap. The two men headed up the mezzanine stairs to Vance's office.

Ziva looked over at McGee, who had been quietly watching the whole thing.

"Do you know what's going on, McGee?" she asked.

"I don't know but whatever it is it's important," he said.

Vance had Tony and Gibbs sit at his conference table. He stared at the two agents who in many ways were such different men yet in some ways were the same. It had taken him a long time to get used to DiNozzo and his ways but he had finally accepted that the man was as good as Gibbs said he was.

"Why are we having this morning get together?" he asked.

"I believe it's time I have my own team, sir," said Tony.

Vance hid the surprise he felt. Gibbs and DiNozzo, they were inseparable. He sent Tony off to be agent afloat for a while and he didn't think either man had truly forgiven him yet.

"And you, Gibbs," said Vance.

"I'm here to support his choice," said Gibbs.

"So you want him to have his own team?" asked Vance.

"No one deserves one more," he said.

Vance sat back and took a deep breath. Gibbs' MCRT was the best and DiNozzo was one of the reasons. He hated to break that up, but the man deserved an opportunity.

"I've got three openings. I've got an opening in Norfolk. One of the MCRTs needs a leader. The second is in Florida. Again you be replacing a retiring team leader. The final one is slightly different, but I believe you are more than capable of handling it and that is OSP has an opportunity. We are going to be opening an OSP office out of DC. You'd go out to LA and train up then lead their primary team once we are up in running. I'd be willing to discuss any of the three with you," said Vance.

"Wow, three. I didn't expect that many," Tony grinned.

"Make up your mind, DiNozzo. You wanted this," said Gibbs.

"OSP, huh? That sounds interesting," Tony said.

"You are going to give Asst. Director Granger a headache," smiled Vance.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

His excitement at a new challenge was already tempered with the lingering sadness of regret. He'd miss Gibbs, Abby, McGee, Ducky, Jimmy, and, especially, Ziva. They were family. In many ways they were all the family he had. Even when he returned from LA the chances were that he wouldn't see much of them. OSP liked to be headquartered in unique spaces keeping a low profile. They were in many respects the NOC agents of NCIS, part spies and part investigators. Tony always wanted to be James Bond.

It was agreed that on Monday Vance would gather Gibbs' team together, as well as Abby and Ducky and Jimmy, and inform them about Tony's promotion. His time to be spent in LA was left indeterminate; though Vance figured it wouldn't take him long to get trained up. DiNozzo showed a facility at surprising.

For his part Tony spent the weekend packing some clothes and other items and preparing for his trip. Agent Callen had offered to put him up at his house since he had the room and Tony was supposed to learn directly from Callen. Gibbs assured him that Callen would have his back. Of course, Callen was a legend in the undercover business, though in some ways DiNozzo was a lesser legend, also. Any man who could go so deep into the mafia that the family treated him like a member of the family and gave him a position of high importance in the family had to be a special undercover agent.

By Sunday Tony was done with his preparations. He was tempted to call McGee and tell him to prepare to be the senior field agent, but he decided against it. It was best to let him have his day in the sun before he took on those extra duties and the ever present wrath of Gibbs. Tony was sure that McGee would bask in idea of being Gibbs SFA. The hard part would come later for him.

When his alarm went off on Monday morning he had managed two things: he got three full hours of sleep and he hadn't thought much about Ziva. After showering he decided to leave Gibbs' team in the same style he came to the team. He pulled on his most faded broken in pair of jeans, grabbed a black Hugo Boss dress shirt, put on a pair of Dunham Men's Prescott shoes, and then rummaged through his closet for his vintage worn leather bomber's jacket. Once he was dressed he grabbed his backpack knowing that he'd probably handed to his probie then he headed for work.

Stopping for a coffee and muffin he arrived late. It was only appropriate since he was late his first day to work with Gibbs. When he got to work, Gibbs was seated at his desk. He looked up but instead of glaring at him or yelling, which Ziva and McGee expected, he offered Tony a sad smile. McGee and Ziva both noticed the interchange between the two men. They knew something was up.

"Rule number five – Don't waste good. You were always the best example of it," he said to Tony, who broke out in a wide grin.

"I'll have to work on some rules, boss," he said.

Before Ziva could query what was up, Ducky, Jimmy, and Abby got off the elevator and filtered into the bullpen. They had been called by Cynthia to meet the team there.

"This is most unusual for Director Vance to call us up here to the bullpen," noted Ducky.

Tony sat down at his desk and looked over at the bespectacled septuagenarian with great fondness. He never remembered his grandfather, but he couldn't think of a better one than Ducky. Jimmy Palmer looked over at Tony and smiled. In many ways Jimmy still got excited being included in these moments. It made him finally feel like part of the group.

"Vance called you to come up here?" Ziva asked.

"Cynthia called for him," Ducky said.

"It must be important," remarked McGee

Vance finally made his way down the steps. He nodded at Gibbs then stopped in the middle of the bullpen. Everyone gave him their attention, except Tony who stared at the top of his desk.

"We have decided to open an OSP office here in DC. Some of the work which would be in the purview of OSP has been bleeding into the duties of MCRT in DC, especially this MCRT," Vance started.

"What does that have to do with us?" asked Abby who was already on her second CafPow and nervous.

Vance looked at her with a bemused expression.

"It has been decided that the agent to lead the OSP team in DC will be Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo," announced Vance.

Everyone was stunned into a breathless silence. Ziva attempted to make eye contact with Tony, but he looked down at his desk top instead of looking at her. Gibbs noticed this and his gut twisted. DiNozzo's wanting to get away from the team was starting to make a little more damned sense. Tony and Ziva, they had a way of pushing each other's buttons and hurting each other. They were forever drawn to each other, yet unable to consummate whatever they had because of rules and situations.

"In a few days Tony will head out for LA for an extended period of time for training with their top OSP team. Once he has been trained up our new OSP offices should be ready and a team picked for him to lead. I know this has been a close team over the years, probably closer than any team I've ever seen, so I wanted to take the time out to thank Tony for his time with the MCRT and know he will succeed in his new leadership position," said Vance.

Everyone remained silent until Gibbs decided to break the silence.

"I expect you to do me proud, DiNozzo," he said.

"Will do, boss," Tony replied.

"Well, I for one, dear boy, am proud of you, but I will miss you," Ducky spoke up.

"Oh, Tony, you can't leave us," cried Abby.

"I'll be stationed in DC when I return, Abby. We can still have movie nights and occasionally go to dinner," he said.

"You better mean that, Tony, or I'll never forgive you," she said.

"I mean it," he said.

McGee stood up and walked over to Tony's desk and offered his hand. They shook then Tony stood up and gave his probie a hug. After the hug he reached down and picked up his backpack and handed it to him.

"It filled with things I think a SFA will need," he said then he looked over at Gibbs, who nodded yes.

McGee smiled. He was the new senior field agent for the team.

"Tony, I'll miss you," Jimmy said.

"I know," smiled Tony then he looked over at Ziva, who was still staring at him. "Agent David, you're quiet."

Ziva attempted to keep her composure. She was losing Tony. For the almost seven years now he had been a steady presence in her life. Yes, there were times, especially early on that she disliked him, but her feelings for him had grown far beyond dislike. There was no one she trusted more than Gibbs, except Tony. Even when he killed Michael she couldn't bring herself to really hate him. Yes, she was anger with him beyond her ability to deal with it, but not hate. Now he was going.

"Congratulations, Tony," she said in a stiff, overly controlled voice.

"Thanks," he said then he picked up his Mighty Mouse stapler and handed it to Ducky.

"Dear boy," Ducky said touched by the gift.

"Drinks tonight after work. I think we all need them," said Abby.

"You are joining us, DiNozzo," Gibbs said as an order.

"Yes, boss," he said.

"I think I'll even join you for one or two. But right now DiNozzo, you are due in personnel. You have a great deal of paperwork to fill out before you leave on Wednesday. Also, Callen informed me to tell you that he expects to put you to work from day one," said Vance.

"Oh, and I wanted to go to Disneyland first," he smiled. "I have the Matterhorn ride is a killer."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs warned him drawing another smile from Tony.

"Get to personnel," said Vance.

NCIS

After worked they converged at an Irish pub in Georgetown. Even though it was crowded they managed to get a corner booth and table to themselves. The owner and bartender knew Gibbs. Pitchers of beer and shots of whiskey were ordered along with chicken wings and potato skins. Once the booze and food had arrived Ducky, Gibbs, and Abby started off telling tales of DiNozzo. They were well into the third round of beer and whiskey when Gibbs started to tell a story that had evoked a great many memories for most of them there.

"The bomb was attached to the trunk of the car. He's two weeks back from the plague and tells McGee and Kate run and he'd handle the rest," Gibbs said.

His eyes were trained on Tony, who played with the drink in front of him.

"They came screaming up the top of the hill yelling bomb, which pissed me off then there was a loud explosion and pieces of tire and car fell all around us. Kate quickly got up and started yelling for Tony. There was about a thirty second delay where I thought I lost him when he comes crawling up the hill, looks at me and says: Boss, I should have taken that extra week. He then collapsed. I thought Kate was going to collapse with relief," Gibbs said then threw back a shot of whiskey.

"Good old Katie," Tony said sadly.

"You loved her, didn't you?" Gibbs asked him.

"Yeah, boss, I loved her," Ton answered.

"And she loved you, dear boy," said Ducky. "She refused to leave your side when you had the plague and when they finally kicked her out she cried in my arms afraid that she was going to lose you."

"Katie was something," Tony said softly then found himself looking across at Ziva, who had tears in her eyes.

It was her stepbrother who killed Kate Todd. He knew she was feeling guilty, but he didn't know how to help her. _Maybe I'm just too old to know how to help her, _he thought bitterly.

"She feared her feelings for you. I gather you presented everything a Catholic mother told her daughter to avoid," Ducky said.

"She knew after Wendy. I admit that I may have gone a little too far after her," Tony blushed.

"Too far," Gibbs chuckled. "When it came to relationship you were a one man wrecking crew. You turned into Mr. Love them then Leave them."

"Well, I think I finally got over that," he sighed.

"Took you long enough, DiNozzo," said Gibbs.

Once again he made eye contact with Ziva. He could see that she wanted to talk to him, but he had heard enough the other day in the lab. It was painful but enlightening.

"Enough picking on Tony," demanded Abby. "He is going to be leaving us."

"Here's to Tony," a more than slightly inebriated McGee raised his glass and drank.

"Well, I have to go. My wife will be waiting for me at the door," said Vance, who then stood up. "Remember, there's work in the morning for everyone here except DiNozzo."

Vance trundled off for the night.

"I guess I should go, too," said Jimmy. "Bree will be worried."

"Take it easy, Jimmy," Tony said.

"Drop me a postcard from LA," Jimmy smiled.

"Okay, Jimbo," said Tony.

"Wait, Mr. Palmer, I'll go with you," Ducky stood up. "At my age the third round is one too many. Anthony, I expect you to keep in touch with me. We men of verbosity must stick together."

"I'll keep in touch, Ducky," he said.

"Good," he said and he and Jimmy Palmer were off.

"Tony boy, who is going to get you out of trouble when you get into it now?" asked Abby.

"What trouble?" he smiled.

"You have been shot, stabbed, kidnapped, drugged, chained to a serial killer, blown up, concussed too many times to count, falsely accused of murdered, and that's just a start," Gibbs smirked.

"You make it sound like I wanted those things to happen to me. Believe it or not I am careful," said Tony.

"You have also been tied up and beaten because they thought you were a married assassin, locked in a cargo container and shot in the arm, attacked by a drunken Mossad assassin and had your clavicle broken, been threatened by an enraged Mossad assassin and knocked on the ground in Tel Aviv, drugged with truth serum and beaten in Somalia, and knocked out by a marine with the butt of his gun during a fight I started," said Ziva enumerating the times he had been hurt because of her alone.

"Good times," Tony chuckled then he downed the last of his beer. "Well, I'm off like a prom dress. I promised a couple of buddies that I'd meet up with them tonight."

He stood up and McGee offered him his hand. Tony shook it and laughed.

"Make sure he gets home, boss," Tony said to Gibbs.

"I will," said Gibbs.

Abby got up and gave Tony a hug then whispered in his ear.

"I know why you are leaving," she said.

He gave her a kiss on the cheek. When he let go of her, Ziva took her place in his arms. She was the right mix of soft and hard and as she squeezes him tightly he allowed himself a moment to fantasy about what they could have had. When she backed away she looked up at him with sadness in her eyes.

"I would like to talk to you before you go," she said.

"I doubt I'll have the time, ninja," he said then he leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek then whispered in her ear. "If you ever end me all you have to do is call and I'll come running. I'll always love you."

Ziva was shocked by his words. She wanted to respond but she was too shocked to speak. He walked away leaving her standing there rooted to the floor.

"David, you alright?" Gibbs barked.

His voice snapped her back to reality as she sat back down. Tony was leaving and he loved her. She was overwhelmed.

NCIS

Tony spent Tuesday hung over and not doing very much except watching old movies and ticking off regrets in his brain. By the time he got to Ziva, he decided he had far too many regrets when it came to her to even catalogue. He always thought regrets tasted best with scotch, so he grabbed a bottle of Glenlivet and indulged himself.

Wednesday morning with feeling hung-over and with a serious pounding headache he boarded a plane to LA. After dropping his car off at a garage he used a car service to take him to the Ronald Reagan Airport and his plane to LA. Once on the plane he realized he left his smartphone in his apartment. He'd have to get a replacement for it once he was in LA.

Ziva entered Abby's lab. When Abby looked up at her, she noticed that Ziva had darkness under her eyes from lack of sleep and more.

"Hey, Ziva," she said.

"Abby. Gibbs had me come down here to see how the tests are coming on the powder we found at the crime scene," she said.

"Be done soon," Abby sighed.

"You seem upset," Ziva said to her.

"I'm missing Tony," she said.

"It has only been one day," Ziva said trying to sound matter of fact.

Ziva swore she heard Abby growl in anger at her remark. It was meant to bring some comfort to her not anger.

"Did I say something wrong, Abby?" she asked.

"I shouldn't be angry with you. It's my fault Tony is gone," Abby announced igniting Ziva's imagination.

For a moment she wondered if Abby and Tony were having a secret affair and Gibbs had found out about it. No, that didn't make sense. If Gibbs' found out about Tony sleeping with Abby, he'd be Afghanistan as a contingency agent not LA with a promotion. Anyway, if she found out that Tony was sleeping with Abby, Ziva had the feeling she would have killed Tony in his sleep for flirting with her all those years and then sleeping with Abby.

"Why is Tony leaving your fault?" Ziva asked.

"I… well, you see, I…," Abby paused to regain her confidence to tell Ziva the truth. "Last week Tony came in full of nerves and life and I asked him why. He told me the reason only because he trusts me. You see he was going to talk to you about how he felt about you. I got really excited and I knew how nervous was so I told him that you were coming in early to check on some tire tracks I was checking and he should hide in my office and I'd prod you to find out how you felt about him. I thought if he heard you say that you, you know, liked him he'd calm down. I mean Tony DiNozzo nervous over a woman just isn't right, right?"

"He heard me call him a peacock and say he was too old for me," Ziva said in an emotionless voice.

"Yeah," she nodded.

This time it was Ziva's turn to growl in anger.

"_Harah_! _Hishtagat_?" she growled. "You… you _shlimazel_!"

"Ziva, I don't speak Hebrew," Abby told her.

Ziva closed her eyes to calm down. But she was pissed. Abby should know her well enough by now that she did not like to speak openly about how she felt, especially when it came to Tony. Her feelings for him were just too complicated, so she kept them to herself.

"Abby, I said those things because I didn't want to share my real feelings with you about Tony. He is very important to me," she said.

"Oh, shit, Ziva, what do we do?" Abby asked.

"I'll call him. I need to talk to him," she said.

Ziva pulled out her smartphone and speed dialed DiNozzo. Unfortunately, the smartphone just rang and rang as it sat on his breakfast nook in his apartment.

"I am an idiot," said Ziva, as she hung.

"That makes two of us," added Abby.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two

**Los Angeles. Two Months Later.**

Kensi Blye and Deeks came striding into ops joining Callen, Sam, Tony, and Hetty, as they watched Eric Nell work their magic tracking Deena Monroe, an erstwhile Beverly Hills socialite who was having an affair with an international weapons dealer and a marine colonel stationed in San Diego. The belief was that she was seeing the marine to persuade information from him for the weapons dealer.

"It appears that she is rendezvousing with at Laguna Beach with Elias Lapin after spending a few days with Colonel Hynes," said Nell.

Tony looked at the petite young woman and smiled, which made her blush. Callen had warned him that Nell had a crush on him. He felt a sharp elbow in his ribs delivered by hulking the ex-Navy Seal Sam Hanna. He and Callen were overprotective of Nell. The height challenged Hetty Lange cleared her throat and Sam almost came to attention.

"Ms. Monroe's house in Beverly Hills was purchased by Lapin. It appears her job for Lapin is to seduce men and gain information from her, which means we have to find a way to plant a bug her bedroom," said Hetty.

"I guess she's a pillow talk expert," said Callen.

"So, I guess one of us is going to have to make contact with her and get the bug in her bedroom," Deeks said. "It's time for my charm to work its magic."

"Sorry, Shaggy, I don't think even a handful of Scooby snacks will get you through her front door," grinned Tony.

Kensi, Sam, and Callen laughed making Deeks blush. Since he had arrived Deeks hadn't taken a shine to DiNozzo. Considering he was an ex-cop they should have gotten along but if he was being honest he was slightly jealous at the way the women at NCIS OSP reacted to him, especially Kensi.

"Oh, like you have a chance with her," retorted Deeks.

"Deeks, chill out," said Kensi.

Tony offered his slightly flirtatious smile which she returned.

"Actually, Mr. DiNozzo would be the best candidate," Hetty said. "He grew up in an exclusive part of Long island, went to private camps and a military academy before going to Ohio State on an athletic scholarship. Plus, he has a reputation as a successful womanizer. I believe you even are considered a talented pianist."

"Speaking of womanizing an Agent Ziva David and Abby tried getting hold of you again," said Eric. "Please return their calls. Abby promised to take me clubbing in DC the next time I'm there if you call one of them back."

A flash of anger passed quickly across Tony's face.

"Since when are you going to DC?" asked Nell.

"Maybe for my vacation if Tony calls them back," said Eric slightly flustered.

"Sorry, junior, too busy, and I heard what they had to say in DC," said Tony, who then turned and looked at Hetty. "My cover?"

"How does Anthony Paddington sound?" she asked.

"My mother's maiden name, really?" he said.

"Well, you do have a six pound inheritance from her sitting in an Isle of Mann bank account. I thought we could make use of it to help establish you as one of the leisurely rich," she said.

"You know a little too much about me, Hetty," Tony frowned.

"Oh, Mr. DiNozzo, you'd be shocked how much I know about you," Hetty smiled.

"Looks like you are pulling seduction duty," Callen said with a smirk.

"This never goes well for me," sighed Tony. "Last time I did something like this the woman ended up accusing me of murdering her father."

"Deena Monroe is not Jeanne Benoit, Mr. DiNozzo," said Hetty then a slight smile curved her mouth as she watched Tony's annoyed reaction. "Ms. Benoit was actually an innocent caught up in an undercover operation because of her father's position as one of the top weapons dealers in the world. Ms. Monroe is being paid by a weapons dealer to entertain men and get information from him. Luckily, she is allowed a personal life by Mr. Lapin. You must interest her and seduce. You need not fall in love with her."

"Oh, that makes me feel better," said Tony.

"You were the one in the op to bring down the Frog?" asked Callen.

"Yeah," nodded Tony.

"Sorry about that one. It happens to us all," Callen said.

"What happens to us all?" asked Kensi.

"Against your better judgment you fall in love with a mark," answered Callen, a little harshly then looked over to see Tony reacted to his comment.

He could see Tony cringe and a hint of emotion show in his eyes but it was quickly masked over by a fake smile. Callen had become impressed with Tony's ability to deflect and hide his true feelings. It was a quality he understood himself.

"I have an amazing track record with woman who I tell I love. They either die violently or accuse me of murder," Tony smiled then wished he hadn't made the joke because it was too honest.

He noticed Nell and Kensi looked at him with sympathetic looks that almost could be construed as pity. He hated pity. Actually, he wasn't that comfortable with sympathy either. A head slap worked best.

"Okay, if I'm doing this I want to use the Maserati GranTurismo Sports," smirked Tony.

"I will need to approve of your wardrobe for the cocktail party," said Hetty.

"I was thinking Brioni and maybe Cerutti," he said.

"Ah, Anthony, I look forward to seeing which you pick," smiled Hetty. "Eric, arranged an invitation to the Hiller cocktail party in Beverly Hills. I know Ms. Monroe will be attending without a date."

"How do you know that?" asked Callen.

"I have my sources, Mr. Callen," Hetty said as she headed out of ops.

"She is a scary little woman," remarked Tony.

"Don't you like little women?" asked Nell with a raised eyebrow.

Tony looked at her and grinned: "I am admirer of all women, especially beautiful women like you."

"He's smoother than you, G," Sam said.

"I know," laughed Callen.

NCIS

Ziva was sitting at her desk waiting for Abby to make an appearance. It had been her turn to try and contact Tony. As of yet they hadn't been able to get him to call Ziva to talk. Ever since he left he had found every way possible to avoid all their calls, except for Ducky's. He spoke to Ducky every week. Once Abby pushed him to call Ziva and talk to her, he started to find ways of avoiding her calls also.

"Ziver, is your report done?" asked Gibbs, who didn't even bother to look at her to know she was staring off into space. The longer DiNozzo was away from DC the more distracted Ziva was becoming. Luckily, it was noticeable only when she was supposed to be doing reports not in the field, otherwise he'd start giving her the head slaps he used to give Tony.

"Almost, Gibbs," said Ziva.

"Probie, is yours?" McGee asked their new probationary agent and former marine CID Nathan Orr. If Gibbs couldn't have Tony on his team, at least he had another marine.

"Just about," the dark haired man answered.

The elevator made the telltale _ding _sound. Ziva stood up and saw it was Abby. She looked over at Gibbs.

"I am supposed to go to lunch with Abby," Ziva said trying not to sound desperate.

"Be back in an hour and if you have any interesting DiNozzo stories make sure you share them when you get back," Gibbs smirked.

"Thank you, Gibbs," she said.

She grabbed over overcoat and met Abby as she was headed to the bullpen. Abby immediately started to bring her up to date.

"Eric told me that Tony refuses to call us. He says he's too busy," said Abby.

"Busy my butt," Ziva seethed as they entered the elevator. As usually happened with them one mistake was compounded by another as one misunderstanding led to another.

"From what he tells me, Tony does nothing but work. He says Hetty would love to keep him in LA. She thinks that he and Callen are two of the best undercover men she worked with. Of course, asst. Director Granger and Tony don't get along that well and Vance is wanting him to return soon to start up the DC team. For once I'm wanting Vance to get his way," Abby babbled on.

"Abby, I need to talk to him," Ziva said as the elevator doors opened at the first floor.

"What are you going to tell him?" Abby asked.

"I do not know, but I just have to talk to him," she said.

"I know, Ziva, I miss him, too," Abby sympathized.

Ziva looked away from Abby. She did more than miss him but she was having trouble dealing with her emotions towards him. Yes, she was sorry about those comments and yes, she had feelings for him, but beyond that she had no idea where she stood with him. She was just sure that she wanted to talk to him.

NCIS

Tony showed up at OSP in a Brioni Tan suit with a linen blue dress shirt and salmon colored tie. For shoes he wore a pair of brown leather handmade Alder Dolce loafers. With a Tag Heuer Monaco watch and a pair of classic Ray-Ban sunglasses he looked perfect for the part he was going to play. Both Nell and Kensi stopped dead in the conversation when he walked in and grinned at them. Neither woman wanted to admit that they found him interesting, even though he much older than them. Inherently there was always something youthful of Special Agent DiNozzo.

"Mr. DiNozzo, I must say I have no complaints about your sartorial choices," said Hetty as she came out of her office area.

"Come on if I wore those clothes I'd look just as good," Deeks complained.

"Deeks, when you wear a suit it looks like a Shih Tzu in a tuxedo. It's just not right," smirked Tony.

Callen and Sam almost couldn't stop laughing. Deeks retreated to the sofa to lick his wounds.

"So, what was your motion picture inspiration for this look?" asked Hetty.

"_Thomas Crown Affair_," he said.

"Pierce Brosnan or Steve McQueen?" she asked.

"McQueen," he answered and flashed his movie star smile.

"Excellent choice," nodded Hetty.

"Sam and I will be a couple of streets away, not that you need backup on this one. What's the worst that can happen, someone spills a drink on your suit," Callen said as he handed him an ear bud to use and a bug to be planted.

"Don't even joke about that. This is a Brioni," Tony said.

Callen laughed at his reaction: "You'll be able to hear us but we won't be able to hear you."

"The less surveillance devices on your body just in case you get lucky," Sam winked at him.

"Remember, Anthony, you need to get into her bedroom and plant the bug, so we know what information they are getting from Colonel Hynes," said Hetty.

"Eric and Nell will hack into Hiller's security system so we have eyes on," said Callen.

"What are Kensi and I doing on this one?" asked Deeks.

"You can watch in ops," Callen told him.

Jonathan Hiller's mansion was on Tower Road in Beverly Hills. Tony drove up to the Spanish architecture influenced home and handed a valet his keys then presented his invitation at the door to security, which let him in. The party took up several rooms on the floor of the mansion as well as the backyard and pool area. It was a party meant to raise money for a political campaign but in actually it was merely a reason for networking for many of those invited.

Tony slipped through the crowd making small talk and using his charm and smile to avoid answering any questions. He finally spotted Deena Monroe. She was truly a beautiful woman. Her age was thirty-nine. She was the daughter of a Spanish mother and English father. Her hair was raven with pouty lips and dark blue eyes. Besides being one of the most sensuous a woman as he had ever seen, she was also obviously bright. Why she was involved with Elias Lapin? The only reason he could think of was lifestyle, which he partially understood. His father had that sort of nature. Deena Monroe's father lost her family's fortune not unlike his father destroyed his grandfather's company and more.

She was located near the outdoor bar by the pool. He walked by her and smiled. It was one of his friendly but not interested smiles. He then proceeded to order a drink.

"I'll have a Nolet's and tonic," he said.

"Sir, we don't have Nolet's," the bartender said.

This caught her attention. He had hoped that with English blood she'd know a good gin. It appeared that he caught her attention and now was time to rail her in.

"Do you have Old Raj?" he asked.

"No, sir, we don't," the bartender said.

"Okay, give me a Tanqueray and tonic then with a lime twist," he said.

"Yes, sir," said the Bartender.

"I'll have one, too," Deena said as she came up beside Tony.

"You're a fan of gin?" he asked her.

"Only quality gin and you seem to know quality gin," she smiled. "I'm Deena Monroe."

"Anthony Paddington," he smiled.

"Paddington," she said and a hint of her British accent came out. "Are you related to the Paddington's of…"

"Oxford, Westminster, and several other places," he smiled.

"Interesting," she said. "I don't detect an English accent."

"I was born in this country. Same money, different country," he chuckled.

The bartender handed them their drinks and they strolled away side by side. As they stopped under a eucalyptus tree letting the aroma open their senses, Tony took his sunglasses off and stared into her eyes.

"Now, Deena, why are you here?' he asked.

"Just making contacts," she said. "And you?"

"Bored," he smiled.

"Really," she smiled back at him. "It is kind of boring here. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"Do you like Italian food?" he asked her.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

He took out his smartphone and dialed Pecorino Restaurant in Brentwood. Someone answered.

"I'd like to make a reservation," he said.

"_For what time_?" the voice asked.

"In forty minutes. The name is Paddington," he said.

"_Forty minutes, Mr. Paddington_," the voice said and Tony hung up.

He looked at her and offered a slight grin.

"We have a reservation at Pecorino. Shall we go?" he asked her.

"I'd love to go," she said.

The inside of Pecorino's was simple: exposed brick walls, wood beams, simple white table cloth tables. They were seated by the hostess and left with menus. Tony ordered them an appetizer of seared scallops with two glasses of chardonnay followed by spaghetti with clams for them of them. For dessert he ordered tiramisu for himself and decadent triple chocolate morsels served with cream and two espressos.

Callen and Sam sat in the car listening to Tony charm Monroe.

"Jesus, I know he's living with you, G. He got some great lines, so does he bring home a lot of women?" asked Sam.

"No single one since he's been here," said Callen.

"Really? That's a surprise," Sam said.

"I think he has some woman in his system and he can't get rid of her," said Callen.

"I like him. I think the DC team will be in good hands," Sam said.

"Gibbs always said he was the best agent he worked with," remarked Callen.

In the restaurant dessert was brought to the table. Deena cooed when she saw her chocolate dessert.

"All the calories I'm going to have to find a way to burn them off," she said with a grin.

Tony took her left hand in his right hand and brought it up to his lips and kissed it.

"Mi sono infatuato di te," he said in Italian to her.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"I am infatuated with you," he said softly.

"I like that," she smiled.

"Ho un debole per te," he said.

"Okay, I'll bite – what does that mean?" she asked.

"I am weak for you," he smiled.

"I think I know a way to burn off the calories. Would you like to come back to my house?" she asked.

"I'd love to," he said.

Back in ops Hetty smiled as she saw Nell and Kensi both react to Tony's lothario routine.

"This guy is too much," said Deeks.

"I want lessons from him," Eric spoke up.

"Anthony is skilled at seduction. Now all he needs to do is plant the bug, so we can finally find out what Mr. Lapin wants from Colonel Hynes.

NCIS

She lived on Elm Street in Beverly Hills. Her home was a two story colonial. Tony parked in her driveway then got up and opened the passenger door for her. She led him by the hand to her home. After she let him into her home, she turned and quickly kissed him. Tony responded by placing his right hand on her cheek and his left behind her neck and intensifying the kiss.

Soon then were upstairs in her bedroom undressed and wrestling in her bed. While Tony had passionate sex in Deena Monroe's bed, Callen and Sam pulled up several blocks away from her home. Sam lowered the sound of the ear bud. They could hear all too well what was going on in the bedroom.

"Duty calls," said Sam.

"Yeah," smiled Callen.

"You kind of wish you were picked for this assignment, G?" asked Sam.

"You know as well as I do, Sam, shit like this only complicates things. I hope we get some good intel about Hynes from this," Callen said.

Back at ops Hetty observed that both Nell and Kensi were slightly red cheeked as they listened to the moans, groans, and screams of Deena Monroe. She had hoped that the bug could be planted without Tony having sex with her, but this was the surest way. Besides paying for the house, Lapin had paid for an excellent and advanced security system.

"Ah, come on you're killing me. Can we turn the sound off?" complained Deeks.

"It cannot last much longer, Mr. Deeks," said Hetty.

"It's go on long enough if you ask me," he sighed, as he looked at Kensi's red cheeks. "When is he going back to DC?"

"Soon," Hetty answered.

Deena Monroe gave Tony a post coital kiss then slipped out of bed to go to the bathroom. While he had a chance he quickly retrieved his pants and grabbed his wallet. In case Lapin had camera's in the bedroom he made sure he took the bug and another condom out of the wallet that stood in front a lamp in the bedside table and put the condom down then slipped the bug under the lamp. Unless there was a camera in the lamp, and he was sure there wasn't, there was no way anyone saw him slip the bug into place.

With a condom on the table top, he slipped back into bed. Deena came out of the bathroom and returned to Tony's arms. _You're going to hell for this one, DiNozzo, _he thought to himself as he started to kiss her once again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Three

"Tony, I just heard from Hetty. We got something off the bug," Callen said as he walked through the living room of his sparsely furnished house.

"I'll grab my jacket," Tony said.

Tony grabbed his brown suede jacket and followed Callen to the Aston Martin Rapide he drove. They made record time to the warehouse in Santa Monica which was OSP headquarters. Sam, Kensi and Deeks were already there when they arrived.

As they entered ops a serious faced Hetty nodded to Eric, who played the recording. Everyone stood quietly and listened.

"_You are like magic, darling. I'm glad I keep you on the payroll," said Lapin. _

Tony felt like snarling at this comment. Deena Monroe was a woman imprisoned by what she thought she wanted and needed and Lapin gave her that at a steep price.

"_Thank you Elias." _

Her voice was seductive but false. It wasn't the voice she used with him.

"_You are my little pressure reliever," he laughed. "I need you to contact Hynes. Tell him to bring the schematics of the stealth ship to John Wayne Airport on Friday noon. I'll have his million dollars for him." _

"_Do you want me there, Elias?" she asked. _

She asked in a tone that said she didn't want to go but she was at his beck and call.

"_Why not? We can go to Dubai together to sell the schematics then enjoy ourselves," he said. _

"Stop," said Hetty. "We have him and Colonel Hynes."

"We can take down Hynes and Lapin at the airport," Sam said.

"It would be better if we could take down Elias and Ashar, his younger brother, together, but we will just have to be satisfied with Elias, Hynes, and stopping the sale of our stealth ship schematics," said Hetty.

"Sounds good," Callen said.

NCIS

It was early in the morning just having turned 6:30 in the morning and Vance noticed Gibbs at his desk. The last two weeks had been difficult for Gibbs' MCRT. They had caught serial rapist followed by the murder of two able bodied seaman. The team had been putting in a lot of hours and without DiNozzo keeping it light and acting as the buffer between Gibbs and the rest of the team they had been growled at, barked at, and threatened until they solved the cases. Vance was half afraid that McGee was going to ask for a transfer since he took the brunt of Gibbs' behavior as SFA. He headed down the steps and stopped by Gibbs' desk.

"Gibbs," he said, "you're here early."

"Backed up on reports and requisitions. Can't investigate a crime scene without rubber gloves," he said.

He didn't look up from his work, but kept at it.

"How is McGee turning out as the senior field agent?" asked Vance.

"He is working at it, Leon. Being a senior field agent is more than computer work, though," Gibbs said.

"You miss DiNozzo," Vance stated.

"I was used to him," Gibbs said.

"Well, McGee must be better at get paperwork in," he said.

"He tries," growled Gibbs.

"It was time for him to have his own team, Gibbs. He couldn't stay your senior field agent forever," Vance said.

Gibbs stopped working finally and looked up at Vance.

"I know that Leon. We were together a long time, though. I had his six and he had mine," Gibbs said.

"How is Orr working out?" asked Vance.

"He'll do," was the answer.

Vance took a deep breath and exhaled. The man was a royal pain in the ass sometimes but he was also the best in the business at methodical closing cases.

"Don't ride them so hard, Gibbs. Not everyone is DiNozzo," said Vance, who then strolled away.

"No, not all of them are," sighed Gibbs, who got back to work.

NCIS

Lapin kept a Gulfstream at John Wayne Airport in his private hangar. Sam and Callen dressed as mechanics as they tried to look like they knew what they were doing while working on a plane near the hangar Lapin owned. Kensi and Deeks were in a SUV parked behind another hangar waiting for the signal, while Tony was in maintenance jumpsuit driving a luggage truck.

They were all set and waiting patiently when the Gulfstream taxied out of Lapin's hangar preparing for flight. It was then that a Mercedes Benz pulled up and Lapin, Deena Monroe, and his bodyguard got out. Lapin carried a briefcase. Soon thereafter in a Dodge Charger Hynes pulled up and got out.

"Alright everyone, let's bust this wide open," Callen said into his comm mic.

He and Sam pulled their Sig Sauers and started running towards the hangar, while Kensi stepped on the gas and headed there at a speed that had Deeks wondering if he'd survive the short ride. Tony stopped the truck, pulled his Sig Sauer and started running towards the exchange. The first to arrive was Callen and Sam.

"Freeze, federal agents," Callen yelled.

The driver in the Mercedes Benz got out with a shotgun and started firing at Callen and Sam. Lapin for his part took a gun out and shot Hynes twice in the chest then his bodyguard retrieved the tube with the schematics in it. Kensi pulled up in front of Sam and Callen giving them cover. This allowed Sam to be able to take out the driver.

It was then that Tony came running into the picture. Deena saw him and a look of shock passed across her face.

"Tony," she said as she stared at him.

Lapin looked at him then her. He assumed that she had somehow screwed up. A scowl passed across his face then he shot her in the head.

"No!" screamed Tony.

He fired six rounds and five of which hit Lapin in the chest. Lapin's bodyguard then raised his hands in defeat. He was paid enough to die for nothing. Tony kept running, slid across the hood of the Mercedes Benz and stopped at Deena's body. It was a pretty picture. Images of Kate Todd with a hole in her head and the back of skull blown out kept flashing in his mind as he stared at her. Deeks came up beside him.

"Come on, man, there's no need to torture yourself by looking at that. Come on," he said then grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

Tony was in a state of shock and went with him without a fight passing by Callen, Sam, and Kensi, as they checked the bodies.

"As I said nothing good comes out of sleeping with a mark," said Callen.

Sam shook his head, while Kensi watched Deeks take Tony away. She couldn't help but think that he looked like a man who had seen a ghost. Deeks took Tony's gun from him then sat him down on a bench outside of another hangar.

"You didn't shoot her," he said.

"She's just another one of my fucking dead," he said.

He stared down at the ground. His mind was racing from image to image to image: Kate, Paula, Jenny Shepard, Amber King, and now Deena Moore. There were more but right now that was all the victims of his incompetence to protect those he should have that he could process.

"Hey, man. You didn't fucking shoot her," said Deeks.

Tony looked up at him. His green eyes were haunted with ghosts and guilt.

"But I also did save her or any of them," he said.

NCIS

It was quiet at OSP as they wrapped up their paperwork and after action reports. Hynes died at the airport, as did Lapin, Deena Moore, and the driver. The only one who survived was the driver and he had nothing to tell them. He was local muscle hired by Lapin, which meant he didn't know enough so they handed him over to the police.

Deeks and Kensi sat on the sofa and Sam and Callen were at their desks. Everyone knew enough not to talk to Tony but to be around in case he wanted to talk. Tony sat at his temporary desk. He had finished his report and now just stared at it looking like he was reading but he wasn't. Hetty walked over to his desk and placed two crystal rock glasses on it. She poured him a generous drink from the bottle she carried.

"This is an 18 year old single malt scotch. Talisker. I heard you were a scotch drinker," she said.

Tony picked up the glass and drained it. Hetty didn't bother lecturing him about sipping it and allowing the flavor to permeate the taste buds. She poured him another drink.

"I was speaking to Vance. The DC OSP office is ready. All it needs now is agents and a team. He wants you to go back to DC," she said.

"Sounds good," Tony said then took a sip of his drink.

"I agree with you, Anthony, it should have been avoidable. It was a sad senseless death," Hetty said.

He took another sip of his drink.

"Nature of the business, right?" he said.

"Unfortunately as long as there are men like Lapin, it appears so," said Hetty.

"When exactly does Director Vance want me back?" he asked.

"Day after tomorrow. I have arranged a plane for you first class to DC. You have done well here, Anthony. Don't let this tragic incident hinder your ability to perform your duty," Hetty said.

"Not the first one who has died on my watch, Hetty, and it hasn't stopped me so far from doing my job," he said.

"But you seem to carry a great deal of guilt," she said. "It is good that you still feel after all these years, but a man can only carry so much guilt before he collapses underneath it and has trouble getting back up."

He looked at her with tears in his sea green eyes: "She just another one of my dead. Deena Monroe won't make the burden that much heavier to carry. I can handle her."

"I hope so, Anthony," she said and walked away leaving the bottle with him.

He picked up the bottle and freshened his drink.

NCIS

Gibbs and Ziva entered MTAC and Vance was speaking to Hetty. They were supposed to contact San Diego about a Master Chief who was reported as an unauthorized Absence showing up dead in DC. Gibbs and Ziva stood in the back and listened.

"It was a particularly difficult op for Anthony," Hetty said.

"I read the after action. It would be. Lapin shot Ms. Monroe in the head after she recognized DiNozzo," Vance said. "Do I need to have him see a psychologist before allowing him to take over the lead of the OSP DC?"

Gibbs felt his stomach churn as he started to work the muscles in his jaw. Ziva felt the anger she was starting to feel towards Tony for not talking to her melt away. She knew him well enough to know he took this woman's death personally. He took too much personally. It was one of things she loved about him. Yes, loved.

"A mental checkup would be good for him," she said.

"I'll have Dr. Cranston talk to him," said Vance.

"He'll be back in DC probably within the next few hours," she said.

"I'll give him a few days off then see Dr. Cranston. I need him with his head on straight. It's been decided by SecNav that since we won't have a manager like you, that DiNozzo will be made Special Agent in Charge of OSP DC, as well as leading the top team. Do you think he can handle the extra burden?" Vance asked Hetty.

"I found Anthony to be extremely talented. He can handle whatever he has to handle," she said. "If you tire of him, please feel free to send him back to us."

Hetty smiled then her image disappeared. Gibbs and Ziva watched Vance stand there for a moment until he finally turned and saw them.

"Did you hear that conversation, Gibbs?" he asked.

"Yeah, Leon," Gibbs said.

"Do you think there will be a problem with DiNozzo?" he asked.

"Tony always bounces back. He did after the plague and he did after Kate's death. He may stumble a little but he always bounces back. He is resilient. He's had to be," Gibbs said.

"Hetty Lange thinks highly of him, which is an accomplishment in itself," smiled Vance.

"Who was the woman that died?" asked Gibbs.

"A woman he had to play while undercover in order to gain information about a weapons dealer," Vance said.

Ziva felt her face flush. _Tony must have memories of Jeanne coming back to him. He will be in a great deal of pain. I need to find a way to help him. _

"Who is the weapons dealer?" asked Gibbs.

"Elias Lapin," answered Vance.

"Dead?" he asked.

Vance nodded yes.

"What about his brother Ashar Lapin?" asked Gibbs.

"Still alive. Why?" asked Vance.

"He may wear three thousand dollar suits and fly around the world in a private airplane but Lapin and his brother believe in blood feuds. Once he finds out his brother is dead he work real hard to hard out who he should blame then he'll go after them. I just hope it isn't DiNozzo," explained Gibbs.

"I'll keep that in mind," said Vance, who then walked up the aisle and exited MTAC.

"I am worried about Tony, Gibbs," Ziva said.

"I am, too, Ziva. I know him and he'll be going into his shell like he did after Jenny and after Jeanne Benoit," growled Gibbs.

"What can we do to help him, Gibbs?" Ziva asked.

"Give him space, Ziver. Because of the way he was raised by that idiot father of his he doesn't trust people giving him help," said Gibbs. "Give him space and time."

NCIS

Tony opened the door to his apartment. After almost three months the place smelled stale with a hint of pizza gone very bad. Dropping his bags, he walked over to his windows and opened them. His first stop was his makeshift bar, which was the top of two waist high mahogany bookcases that stretched from one wall to the other and was filled with DVDs. He grabbed a rock glass and poured himself a MaCallan's Scotch. Usually, he had ice but he was beyond ice at the moment.

Drinking the scotch down, he poured himself another then he walked over to his breakfast nook and found his smartphone that he reported as lost. Its battery was dead. He had no intention of powering it up, but instead tossed it in the garbage. Next, he opened up his refrigerator and saw nothing but space and a few items of food gone bad.

"Great. If this doesn't symbolize my fucking life I don't know what does," he fumed.

He downed his drink and then stormed back to his bar and poured another. It was going to be a long drunken knife. He lifted his glass in a toast.

"Here's to you Amber, Jenny, Paula, Deena, and Katie. I drink to you all," he said then poured the drink down his throat. "It's going to be a long night."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Four

Vance had given him four days off, which he spent drinking his way to the bottom of one bottle of scotch after another. Before being allowed to start his new position, Vance had schedule time for him with Dr. Rachel Cranston. Making a pot of coffee, he filled a mug with equal parts coffee, half and half, and sugar which managed to get his shaky hands under control before he shaved. After a shave came shower then he dressed in jeans, Christian Dior grey V neck sweater, and his suede jacket then made his way to NCIS Headquarters.

He understood Vance wasn't about to let him take control of a new operation unless he was sure he was ready for duty, yet he still resented it. His head was messed up enough without having someone else play around inside of it. He didn't need Rachel's help, but he needed to get back to work and lose himself in the job.

Arriving at NCIS he parked at his usual spot, right near Ziva's Mino-Cooper. A pang of longing and humiliation reddened his cheeks then he forced any further thoughts of Agent David out of his mind. He made his way to the temporary office that Rachel used when she saw him and others for Vance. Taking the special elevator all the way to mezzanine level he got off and walked towards the office. It was then he spied Rachel in Gibbs' bullpen talking to Ziva, Gibbs, McGee, and the guy who was probably his replacement. Stepping away from the railing so he couldn't be seen he continued to the office, slipped in, and waited for Rachel.

Ziva noticed Tony as he tried to slip pass by without being seen. He didn't look good. Even from this distance and only seeing him without directly staring at him, she could tell that he had been drinking a great deal. She had seen that with him after Jenny and Jeanne. Sometimes he felt a need to drown his emotions rather than seek out help.

"So, it must be odd not having Tony on your team any longer," Rachel said to Gibbs.

"Nothing is forever," said Gibbs then he finished off his coffee then tossed it in the garbage.

"Still, Gibbs, you were always close to him," said Rachel.

"Close enough to know it was time to let him go," Gibbs said then stared at her with one of the glares he saved for interrogation.

Ziva looked at Dr. Rachel Cranston and hoped that she could get through to Tony, though she doubted it. He didn't need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to him, but he didn't someone to challenge him and force him to be the man he could be. She could do that for him if he let her.

Rachel looked at her watch and smiled: "I've got to get upstairs."

Rachel headed up the stair and walked over to the office then opened the door to be surprised that Tony was already seated and waiting for her.

"You're early for a change," she said.

"I'm looking for to getting to work at my new job," he told her.

"Okay, let's get started," she said then sat down behind the desk.

"You're the doctor, doctor," he smiled.

She looked at him for a moment. He looked tired and stressed out but his mask was already up and on and he was ready to fence with her.

"Did you have to sleep with her to accomplish your task?" she asked bluntly.

He inhaled and then looked up at the ceiling then he slowly exhaled.

"I can only think of two ways of getting into a woman's bedroom. I used the one I'm best at," he grinned.

"Was it a pleasurable experience?" she asked.

"As far as meaningless sex goes it was alright," he answered.

"What made it meaningless, Tony?" she asked.

"My job," he answered quickly, which surprised her.

Every time she met with him he took a different tact with her. Humor was always used but sometimes it was puns, sometimes it was lewd, and sometimes it was outright funny. This was yet another approach.

"Are you saying that you can't have meaningful sex because of your job?" Rachel asked.

"Now, Rachel, that is clever. You taking one incident and conflating it to encompass my whole life," he smiled then lifted his right hand to his brow and saluted her. "I salute you."

"I'm not trying to be clever just get a sense of your state of mind," she said.

"Sad, slightly pickled, bored, and in need of another cup of coffee," he said.

"Let me guess, that is the state of your mind," she said.

"You got it. I knew you'd figure it out," he said.

"You want to play game, don't you, Tony?" asked Rachel.

"No, not really, Rachel. I just don't want to talk about things that I don't need to. I need to deal with Ms. Monroe's unnecessary death, but that's it," he said.

"Unnecessary?" she said.

"Yes, unnecessary," he said.

"What made it unnecessary?" she countered.

"She wasn't a threat. She hadn't betrayed him. I had seduced her. She was nothing more than a dupe," he said.

"How does that make you feel?" she asked.

His eyes looked into hers. She could see the pain for a moment then she saw nothing. He masked it over.

"I'm glad we completed our job, but I wish we were able to save Ms. Monroe," he said.

It was a good, by the book answer: pride in success, but guilt over the loss of a human life. She knew he was covering up, hiding from her. But she also knew Tony DiNozzo well enough to know that if he didn't want to come out of hiding then he didn't come out of hiding. She didn't have to play fair if he wasn't playing fair.

"Which death was more painful Kate's or Deena Monroe?" she asked.

He looked at her with shock for a moment then submerged his reaction.

"Kate's death was more painful. She was… my friend," he said.

"And Deena Monroe was just part of the job?" asked Rachel.

"Rachel, you want me to cry don't you?" he smiled.

"No, Tony, I want you to be honest with him," she said.

He looked her directly in the eyes and stared for a few moments then said: "Do you have proof that I'm lying, Dr. Cranston?

"Other than knowing you," she said. "I care about you, Tony."

"I'm flattered, Rachel, but I'm also fine. I just need to get back to work," he said.

"How is your relationship with Agent David?" she asked.

He smiled. It was his million dollar smile.

"There is none. We aren't even partners anymore," he said.

"Does that mean you have grown out of women with guns?" Rachel asked with a smile.

"We all have to grow up sometimes and I am much older than her. It's just time I act my age," he said.

"Does that mean you might re-ignite an old flame like Wendy?" asked Rachel.

"Ooh, someone has kept you in the loop, haven't they?' he smiled. "Wendy is the past. I just haven't found a future yet."

"Tony…" Rachel started to ask her next question.

"Rachel, I really need to get to work. Me with too much time on my hands is me getting into trouble. Save me from trouble, please," he said.

"I'll talk to Vance," she said.

"You're the best," he grinned.

NCIS

The OSP Ops Center in Dc was in Chinatown not far from Friendship Archway on H Street, NW. The converted two loft floors into OSP DC. Vance personally took Tony to the OSP. The first floor was a travel bookstore with a biometric lock pad in the backroom that when opened led to the stairwell to the OSP which took up the second and third floor. Second floor had two squad areas, intel analysts, profiler, legal adviser, and the special agent in charge office. Second floor was ops with the most state of the art tech NCIS possessed and three techs, a tech manager, and a hacker.

After a quick tour Vance brought him to his office, where there was a stack of personnel files for Tony to go through. Tony walked over to the desk and sighed.

"Two five person teams. You will be part of one of them, so that one can be a six person team. Your support and tech personnel will be here tomorrow. I want the teams put together by next week. Read the files, we'll bring all the agents in on Thursday and Friday and you pick," said Vance.

"So I'm running the whole shebang," said Tony.

"Don't let me down," Vance said.

"I won't, Director," Tony said.

"Glad to hear it," said Vance then he was off.

Tony sat down behind the desk and started to go through the files.

"You wanted a change, DiNozzo," Tony said aloud as he picked up a personnel file and started to read it.

NCIS

Gibbs stood up from his and grabbed his sidearm and overcoat: "We have a dead sailor in a house in Manassas. Gear up."

Quickly, his team got their gear together. There was no call of I'm on you six, boss, which Gibbs had heard for over the last eleven years. He tossed the keys for the NCIS truck, which Ziva immediately grabbed out of his hands.

"I'm driving," she said.

The dead Petty Office had an apartment on Center Street in downtown Manassas. It was a quaint little town with brick buildings and a town store.

They arrive to be met by local police. As McGee, Ziva, and Orr unpacked the truck and got into the jackets and hats, Gibbs went and talked to the local LEOs.

"What are we got?" asked Gibbs.

"Sailor. He's been cut up pretty good," said one of the cops.

Gibbs followed them to the apartment on the second floor. The sailor was nailed to the wall with ten penny nails in his hands causing him to look like he had been crucified. His neck had been cut and his shirt had been cut off and craved into his chest was eye for an eye.

Gibbs was staring at the body when his team ventured into the apartment.

"Now that is not a pretty sight," said Orr.

"Eye for and Eye, Gibbs," said Ziva. "Revenge?"

"Revenge, retribution, or just a message," said Gibbs. "McGee, get his name."

McGee walked over to the body and gently took one finger and touched it to the pad on his portable fingerprint scanner. Within seconds he had a name. The name popped up and McGee blanched.

"This is Petty officer Anthony DiNozzo," said McGee.

Ziva and Gibbs both had their heads snap up and looked at the body again.

"Coincidence, Gibbs?" asked Ziva with more than a little fear in her voice.

"I don't believe in coincidence," Gibbs said with a snarl.

He didn't like this one bit.

NCIS

He had picked his primary team: Special Agent Thomas Mann, ex- of the DEA; Special Agent Jim King, Marine Recon; Special Agent Elias Jefferson, college basketball star and ex-cop; and, finally, Special Agent Nanette 'Nan' Quinn, degree in criminology and ex-Marine CID. They each had their own particular skillset and Tony was sure he could make them mesh. He had the files to Vance.

"This is your primary team?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," answered Tony.

"Okay, how about your number two team?" asked Vance.

Tony had him five more personnel files. Vance smiled. He already recognized some of the names and he agreed with DiNozzo. It seemed Gibbs old SFA had an eye for talent. Next, it was time to check his leadership skills.

"I'll notify them all and have them report on Monday," Vance said.

"And will you have a first op for us?" asked Tony.

"The SecNav wants to talk to me on Monday so there may be something in the pipeline," Vance told him.

"Here's hoping he has a job for us. I'm itching to get back into the saddle," Tony said.

"Do we need to discuss what happened in LA?" asked Vance.

"No, sir. It's been taken care of with Dr. Cranston," Tony said.

"She is worried about you," said Vance.

"Director, she's a therapist, that's what she does," Tony said.

Vance nodded and stuck the ten files under his arm: "SAC DiNozzo, I'm trusting you."

Tony liked the sound of being called SAC. He smiled.

"You can trust me, sir," he said.

NCIS

Gibbs just couldn't believe in coincidence and having the dead body of Petty Officer Anthony DiNozzo in autopsy didn't help. He stormed into the autopsy where Ducky and Jimmy worked on DiNozzo.

"Talk to me, Duck," Gibbs said.

"Crudely crucified then had his throat cut and the biblical admonition craved into his chest," Ducky said.

"What kind of knife?" he asked.

"I hope Abby will be able to surmise that for you," he said.

"Anything else?" asked Gibbs.

"I am glad he is not our Tony," said Ducky.

"But he might be. That's what you thinking, Duck," said Gibbs.

"I know your predilection to distrust coincidence and I for you believe he is a message being sent and we should heed that message," Ducky said.

"I've got to talk to DiNozzo," growled Gibbs and stormed out of the autopsy.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Five

SecNav gave OSP DC their first assignment. The Undersecretary of State in charge of acquisitions, Alan Hampton, at the Department of The Navy was acting strangely. Jarvis wanted to know why. He couldn't afford another embarrassment like Sean Latham and wanted a quiet investigation done of a man in an important position and he wanted as few waves made as possible. Vance showed up to observe how Tony went about this first assignment. If he failed it just might be his last as SAC of OSP DC.

"King, you'll go undercover as a marine Lt. Col. in acquisitions. Snoop around, stick your noise into things, and find out if there is anything Hampton is doing wrong. Quinn, you'll go undercover as a senatorial aide to Senator Morris of Virginia, who is heading an oversight committee of Hampton's department. King is on the inside and Quinn on the outside I think that together you should be able to find out whatever we need to find out," he said.

"What about us?" asked Jefferson

"Ex-cop and ex-DEA, I know you two have street skills," Tony smiled. "Jefferson and Mann, you will handle surveillance of our undercover agents and follow whatever leads we get from them. If you need help I'll be the help. Now, Jace."

Tony turned and face their twenty-something tech manager, who Vance had handpicked. He was an undergrad of CalTech and grad school at MIT. Tony thought of him as his new McGeek.

"Yes, sir," said Jace Miller, the tech manager. His words were respectful but his tone was teasing.

"ID and backstories for Quinn and King and I want them to be bullet proof and water proof with flattering photos," he said.

"Give us two, three days tops," said Miller.

"Jace, I'll give two days tops then I'll fire your ass and get a competent tech manager in here to do it according to my schedule," smiled Tony.

"Yes, sir," groaned Miller. "I better get to work."

Miller took off. Tony looked at his number one team.

"Started researching and making yourself familiar with navy acquisition and Hampton," he said.

"Sure, boss," said King.

"Okay, Tony," smiled Quinn. "Sexy or nerdy?"

Tony looked at the five foot two red haired, green eyed young woman.

"Huh?" he said.

"Should I look sexy or nerdy?" she asked.

"How about sexy nerd?" smiled Tony.

"I think I can handle that," she smiled at him.

With Vance following him Tony walked away from their squad room to let them get to work. They entered Tony's office.

"Well done," said Vance as he sat down in the hardwood chair in front of Tony's desk, "though you were a little hard on Miller."

"So, what aren't you telling me, Director?" asked Tony ignoring his comment on Miller.

"Hampton is a close personal friend to Jarvis. If you find anything, he wants to know before you do anything," said Vance.

"If he's dirty he'll want to give him a clean exit," said Tony.

"Sounds about right," Vance said with a hint of annoyance.

"Whatever we get I'll let you know, sir," said Tony.

Vance smile broadened. DiNozzo in the number one spot was less of a smart ass, though he still could feel an undercurrent of smart ass to the man. As long as he kept it in check, he'd let it go.

"You did well with the team," Vance said.

"When will get an assignment for the number two team?" asked Tony.

"Are you looking to bury yourself in work?" asked Vance.

"If I'm going to bury myself it might as well be work," he smiled.

NCIS

Gibbs reviewed what they knew so far about Petty Officer Anthony Vincent DiNozzo and there was no reason for him to be murdered. The man had no known enemies and so far his fellow shipmates who they have interviewed said he was nice, quiet, and harmless. And now he was dead. _Just because his name is Anthony DiNozzo, which means NCIS DiNozzo was in trouble. _

"Where did the ship he was on just come from. Where was it stationed?" barked Gibbs.

McGee's fingers danced across the key working to gather the information he was just tasked with.

"They were part of small fleet sent to protect the Straight of Hormuz," said McGee.

"The Gulf of Oman and the Persian Gulf, a very tense area of the world," said Ziva.

"They would be able to get R&R in Israel and Abu Dhabi and a few other places," said Orr. "Lots of bad guys and lots men with grudges."

"Are you thinking this is terrorism related, Gibbs?" asked Ziva.

"Ziver, I'm thinking this is someone coming for DiNozzo and wanting to let him know it. This is someone with a grudge," said Gibbs.

He picked up his phone and dialed a number. Ziva stood up and walked over to McGee's desk, which was Tony's former desk. He was staring at Gibbs as he started to talk.

"I do not think it is Mossad who wants Tony dead, but they may know who is after Tony," said Ziva.

"Do you have anyone you can still call and ask a favor from?" asked McGee.

"Hannah, my cousin, but she is no longer on active duty with two children. Eli has her on desk duty. Malachi owes me a favor, but I do not want to deal with him or anyone from the Kidon Unit. Bad memories," she said.

"You might want to call him, though. I think Tony has someone coming for him and it would help if we knew who it was. Ziva, it might save his life," said McGee.

They looked over at Gibbs as he raised his voice.

"I don't care DiNozzo if you are busy at work. Someone may be trying to kill you, so you should get your ass over here and talk to us," said Gibbs.

"_When the case advances to the point that I can add something positive to it I will, but until then, Gibbs, I'm busy. Plus, I have more than enough agents around me to protect my six," _Tony told his former boss.

"Your life is in danger, DiNozzo. Get down here," snapped Gibbs.

"_Special Agent in Charge of OSP DC, Gibbs, I don't take orders from you," _he said then hung up.

"Son of bitch hung up on me. He really is looking for a head slap," Gibbs fumed.

He looked over at Ziva and McGee.

"Yes, Gibbs," Ziva said.

"I'm going to talk to Vance," said Gibbs.

He stormed off. McGee let out a loud sigh.

"He's angry," said McGee.

"I know. I think Tony hung up on him," Ziva said.

"I don't know what it was but something had several months ago that made Tony cut himself off from all of us except Ducky and Jimmy. Abby told me she tried talking to him just the other night and he told her that he was working on an op and didn't have the time. He has completely closed himself off from us," sand McGee.

Ziva looked down at her boots: "I have no idea why, McGee."

"It must be something that really either pissed him off or hurt him," said McGee.

"Maybe both," Ziva said softly then she got anger as she thought about it. "Or maybe he is being a stubborn ass."

"Yeah, I guess," said McGee.

"I bet it's a woman," said Orr.

"Why do you say that?" snapped Ziva.

"Nothing makes a guy act like an ass more than having a woman step on his balls when they walking out the door," he chuckled.

Ziva glared at Orr then returned to her desk.

NCIS

It had been a long day at OSP. Tony arrived at his house feeling tired and hungry. He opened his door to see a sight he wasn't expecting: Gibbs, Ziva, and McGee eating pizza, drinking beer and watching his movies.

"Excuse me but what the hell are you doing here?" he demanded.

"You wouldn't come to us so we came to you. Just getting home?" asked Gibbs.

"Yeah, long day. We have our first op," Tony said.

Gibbs tossed him a beer: "We have pizza. Grab a slice and talk to us."

Tony opened the beer and walked into his own living room feeling like a guest. He took a swig of the beer and refused to meet Ziva's eyes. She was staring at him trying to get his attention.

"Petty Officer Anthony DiNozzo was murdered two days ago. We believe he is a message being sent to you," said Gibbs.

"And as I told you on the phone, Gibbs, I don't know who is after me this time and I have lots of back op," Tony said.

"DiNozzo, I want to catch the bastard who killed this Petty Officer and protect you. I need more than I don't know," he said.

Before Tony could answer his smartphone rang. He took it out and answered it.

"DiNozzo," he said.

"_Sorry, boss, but we have a problem," _said Jefferson, "_someone tried to kill Nan." _

"Quinn? Is she alright?" Tony asked.

"_A car tried to take her out while she was crossing the street in Georgetown. She managed to avoid the brunt of it but got clipped_," said Jefferson.

"Where is she?" asked Tony.

"_We are Georgetown Med Center. King and Mann are here with me_," said Jefferson.

"I'll be there soon," he said. "She is now under our protection. One of us is with her at all times."

"_Today was only her first day investigating Hampton, Boss. Seems like a coincidence to you_?" asked Jefferson.

"I don't believe in them," Tony said then hung up.

He looked at his former team finally making eye contact with Ziva by accident. For a moment there he thought he saw something there that was more than anger or annoyance, but he ignored it. He had more important things to handle right now.

"DiNozzo Rule number one: One of my people is hurt or in anger; I don't sit on the sideline. So I've got to go," he said.

He got up and went to change from a suit into something more comfortable.

"Does he seem different to you?" asked McGee.

Gibbs, who hadn't miss the vibes going and back and forth between Tony and Ziva, finished his beer. There was more going on between his SFS and his agent than they were saying.

"What happened between you and DiNozzo, Ziver?" he asked.

"Nothing, Gibbs," she answered quickly.

"You're lying," he said.

"It is personal, Gibbs, and a misunderstanding," she said.

"A misunderstanding?" Gibbs growled.

"Yes, a misunderstanding," she said.

Tony came out of his bedroom dressed in jeans, chambray shirt, and leather bomber jacket. On his jeans he had his badge clipped and he was clipping his Sig Sauer near his back hip.

"Is your agent okay?" asked Gibbs.

"Someone tried to kill her," he said.

"What are you working on?" asked Gibbs.

"Need to know, Gibbs and you're not part of the need to know circle," Tony answered. "Enjoy yourselves, just make sure that you lock up before you leave."

"Tony," Ziva spoke up.

"No time," he said then opened his door and left.

"Yeah, he's differently changed," said McGee.

NCIS

Ops team waited for the okay to enter the hospital room. Tony leaned up against the hospital's wall outside of Quinn's room. The doctor exited and looked at the four men waiting to see their partner.

"How is she, doctor?" Tony asked.

"Two broken ribs, bruises, contusions, and a nice bump on the back of her head. She can leave tomorrow morning," he said.

"How is she now?" asked Jefferson.

"On pain meds and asleep," said the doctor.

"Guys, you can head off. I expect you back here in the morning when Jefferson and Mann and I will discuss keeping an eye on Quinn," Tony ordered.

"What about tonight?' asked Mann.

"I am here for the rest of the night. I'll see you guys in the morning," he said.

"Okay, boss," Jefferson said.

"I'll continue my undercover gig," said King.

"Morning, boss," Mann said.

Once the men were gone, Tony entered Quinn's room, pulled up a chair and sat beside her bed. She looked small and beat up in the bed. As he settled in, Quinn opened one eye and looked at him.

"Hey, bossman," she said.

"Go to sleep, Nan, I've got you six. No one is going to bother you tonight," he said.

She lifted her right hand and held it there.

"Hold my hand, please," she said

"Sure thing, little one," Tony smiled.

He took his far larger left hand and made her small right one disappear in it. Quinn closed her eyes and relaxed. Within a few minutes she was asleep again.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Six

When Quinn woke in the morning, she turned to see her newest boss asleep in the chair beside her. She hadn't worked for him for long, but she already felt a crush coming on for him against her better judgment. He didn't have to stay with her all night, but he did. _He looks so young and innocent when he's asleep._ A flush of heat reddened her cheeks just as the nurse came into the room with her morning pills and some breakfast.

"I see you're wide awake," the nurse said.

"Yeah, I just woke up," Quinn answered looking over at Tony again.

"He's a good boss. The man didn't leave your side all night," the nurse said, as she helped Quinn raise the bed to a sitting position then set the food tray and cup of three pills in front of her. "Eat, take your pills, and after the doctor checks you then you should be able to go home."

"What about him?" she asked.

"I'll take him home if you don't want him. He's handsome," The nurse joked.

Quinn smiled and felt her face blush again.

"No, I mean can we get him some breakfast?" asked Quinn. "I bet he's hungry when he gets up."

"I'll get him a tray. He deserves it for sleeping in that chair," the nurse winked and then left.

As Quinn started to eat her egg white omelet Tony started to wake. He stretched out his tall frame and craned the kinks out of his neck them opened one eye to look at Quinn, who was having her breakfast.

"Feeling better, huh?" he asked.

"Yes, Tony, I am feeling better," she said.

"Glad to hear, Nan," he said then he sat up.

The nurse came back in the room with a tray that had bagel, lox and cream cheese with coffee and orange juice on it. She delivered it to the lap of Tony then turned to Quinn.

"I took care of him just like you ask me to," she said then left.

Tony looked over at a blushing Quinn. _I keep blushing this morning. I haven't been this bad since high school._

"Thanks, Nan," he said.

"I thought you might be hungry," she mumbled.

"I am," he said and started to prepare himself a bagel and lox. "So, she mention when I can take you home?"

"Any time you want," smiled Quinn flirting with him.

_Jesus, I didn't just flirt with my boss. _

"Okay, well, if that's the case then I'll talk to the doctor when he comes to see you," smiled Tony.

NCIS

"You should have seen him, Abby. He barely looked at me and he would not even listen to Gibbs, who is worried about his life being in danger. He is being stubborn and difficult. He is frustrating me to no beginning," Ziva complained to Abby about Tony.

"No end, not no beginning, Ziva," Abby corrected her.

"That does not make sense, but I will let it pass," Ziva said then she growled on frustration.

"He still won't talk to me, Ziva, so I can't help you. I mean Tony has never done this before to me. He had always been there for me, but not this time. He just keeps ignoring my calls or telling me that he is too busy. He doesn't want anything to do to with any of us, except Ducky and Jimmy. I'm worried about him," Abby said.

Ziva sat in the stool beside Abby. She was down in Abby's lab avoiding Gibbs who was on the warpath. DiNozzo was in danger and he couldn't get anyone to take it seriously. Plus, he wanted Ziva to tell him what exactly happened between her and Tony, which she still refused to do. His gut was telling him that their relationship had as much to do with Tony leaving as his wanting to be a leader of a team.

"Ziva, can you answer one question for me?" asked Abby.

"I would have to know what that question is first before I decide if I'll answer it or not," she said hesitantly.

"Do you think you could have a relationship with Tony?" asked Abby.

Ziva thought sincerely about it for a few moments. They had been in each other's lives now for almost seven intense years. They had flirted and fought; they had come close to breaking rules and had definitely hurt each other. In many ways she was already in a relationship with Tony and it was the longest one of her life and it was one of the most important, but it was one of the most frustrating. If she was going to be honest with herself and with Abby then she had to say that she just wasn't sure if they were capable of having a romantic, committed relationship with Tony DiNozzo. Maybe they had too much complicated history between them for them to ever be with each other.

"I honestly don't know, Abby," she said.

"Really?" Abby asked.

"Yes, really. So much has passed between us, that I'm not sure it would ever work with us," she said.

"Oh," Abby said then she became quiet. _Maybe I owe Tony an apology. _

NCIS

A less than happy Ziva returned to her desk in time to receive a glowering look of annoyance from Gibbs. He still wanted to know what happened between Ziva and Dinozzo. She looked over at McGee, who shrugged his shoulders and went back to work. Gibbs' phone rang. He answered it.

Ziva looked over at McGee again and whispered: "No improvement in his mood?"

"Nope," nodded McGee. They both turned their attention to Gibbs as he started to yell, but didn't look at him.

"His old badge. How the hell did they get that? Okay, I'll tell him for you, but I want your coroner's report when it's done," Gibbs slammed his phone down.

Both Ziva and McGee now looked over at him and waited for the explanation. Gibbs ran his hand over his face in frustration then he stood up.

"That was Baltimore PD. Det. Jimmy Sullivan, a friend of Tony's was found with his throat cut and Tony's name craved in his chest along with DiNozzo's old Baltimore badge. This son of bitch who wants DiNozzo dead is showing Tony that he knows well," said Gibbs.

"Sounds like this bastard knows this DiNozzo real well including his soft spots and now he is praying on them to draw him out. This guy is a professional," said Orr. "How will this DiNozzo take this death of his friend?"

"He'll blame himself and want to deal with it alone," said Gibbs. "I need to call him."

"That didn't go well the last time you talked to him," said Ziva.

"That doesn't mean that I'll give up on him, Ziver," said Gibbs. "He's too important to give up on him."

"I know, Gibbs," she said. Yes, she did know that. No matter how confused she was over her relationship with Tony, she still knew that he was with that and more.

"I hope that you do," he replied.

NCIS

It was a proper police burial. The church was packed with men in their dress uniforms. Detectives with their badges tucked into their suits pockets and black bands across the badges, and family members crying and grieving while the priest said the funeral mass. Gibbs' team stood respectfully in the back near a couple of members of Tony's OSP team. DiNozzo sat among the Baltimore PD.

Once the funeral mass was over the family, Sullivan's mother, father, wife, and two young kids, were ushered into a limo and driven to the cemetery. The thin blue line dutifully followed. Tony followed, as did the NCIS members.

Once again at the cemetery the priest performed the rituals, while the family wept. The Baltimore Police Emerald Society had bagpipers play _Amazing Grace_. Once again the NCIS teams stood on the periphery while DiNozzo stood with the Baltimore PD. There was also plenty of news media because a cop's death always brought out the media, especially one like Sullivan. He wasn't just killed in the line of duty but he was a message being sent to a former officer.

Ziva noticed that Wendy Miller was there. She stood in the crowd of civilians with her eyes trained on Tony, who was in a black suit with white shirt and black tie and sunglasses. It looked like Wendy wanted to go to Tony, but was waiting for a chance. Ziva would have loved to see his eyes, to see if he was alright or in so much pain that maybe he'd be willing to talk to her.

The bagpipes stopped playing and a twenty-one gun suit promptly followed. The ceremony was over once the American flag was presented to the family, who then started to receive police officers. Tony was one of those who approached the widow, who was trying to be strong for her children. It was sad sight to behold.

Tony took his sunglasses off and approached her. She saw him coming and walked up to him. Before he could speak she slapped him across the face.

"It should be you dead, not my husband," she cried.

She slapped him again and again. His lip began to bleed, but Tony ignored it just like he ignored the slaps.

"This bastard wants you dead. He died because he knew you. Why aren't you dead?" she yelled at him.

Ziva started to move but Gibbs grabbed her arm and held her in place.

"DiNozzo knows she needs this. He's not defending himself," Gibbs stated.

More slaps followed. One of the brass went to stop her, but Tony raised his hand to stop him and let her slap him some more. Ziva noticed that Wendy was now crying and turned and walked away. Finally, the widow broke down and started to sob. Tony took her in his arms and wrapped her in a protective hug then kissed the top of her head. Sullivan's father took her from Tony and the family started to walk away.

The police and others started to follow her and her family, but Tony walked away from everyone. He put his sunglasses off and walked towards some other gravestones. Gibbs watched him go and was proud of him.

"I'll talk to him later," Gibbs said.

"Shouldn't we be with him?" asked Ziva.

"Yeah, Gibbs, shouldn't we be with Tony?" added Abby, who came along in order to see Tony.

"No not now. Now he needs to be a lone," said Gibbs.

Ziva wanted to go after him but she was going to listen to Gibbs. He still knew Tony better than anyone else did.

NCIS

When he got home a new bottle of MaCallan's waited for him. He cracked it open and poured a generous amount in a glass then started drinking. It had been a damned week. First, one of his team was almost killed. She ends up in the hospital and now he had to decide if she was going to continue her cover or not. He could stick with just King undercover, but it might not be enough. Yet, he didn't want to send Nan back into danger, but that was part of his new job. He'd deal with that later.

Now another message was sent to him. First, some unknown petty officer who had the misfortune of having the same name as him, and now a buddy, a pal, from BPD. Sully was dead because of him. His wife was a widow and his kids without a father. Yeah, she was right, it should have been him. He downed the drink and poured himself another one.

"Time to really hurt yourself DiNozzo," he said.

He grabbed the bottle and brought it with him to the sofa. Placing it on the table in front of him, he picked up his universal remote and turned on some music. Sinatra started to sing. The world sort of made sense now: soul searing pain, Sinatra, and alcohol. For the next five or six hours he could drink himself senseless and let Frank sing. He poured another scotch down his throat. It burned but it felt good, or, at least, it would eventually feel good.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Seven

Feeling like he'd slept outside during a hurricane, Tony dragged his ass to work. He forewent a suit and wore jeans, shawl collared sweater and a suede jacket. Nan was looking uncomfortable but she was in. Mann and Jefferson were with her in the bullpen, while King was off at the Department of the Navy working his undercover gig.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Nan.

"I'm fine, Tony," she answered.

"Yeah, sure you are. You don't have to be stoic with me," he smiled as he took his jacket off. "Do you want quit this one, Nan?"

"No. Someone tried to kill me because I must have asked the right question. I don't know what that question was, but I'm not backing down now," she said.

"That'll go, Quinn. You're our tigress," Mann said.

"Cheer her on all you want because you two are now her shadow. Her life is in your hands," said Tony.

"We're on it, boss," said Jefferson, who then looked at Nan. "We are going to keep a close eye on you now."

"Great. Not too close or you'll blow my cover," she retorted.

"Check out any surveillance equipment you need with Jace," said Tony. "Now if anyone needs me I'll be in my office."

Tony walked into his office and shut the door. Part of him wanted to hide away today, but he knew he couldn't. He took out his smartphone and called Gibbs.

"Gibbs, it's me," he said.

"_DiNozzo, you ready to help me keep you alive yet_?" Gibbs asked.

"I'm ready to help you keep more innocent people from getting killed. I'll be coming over to NCIS in an hour," he said.

"_You know the way. I expect you in an hour or so_," said Gibbs then he hung up.

Sitting down at his desk Tony stared at the desk top. Petty Officer Anthony DiNozzo and Sully now have paid a price because of him. He couldn't let anyone else die for him. _You've got another dead people hanging on the wall. No more. Whoever is coming for me I have to make them come for me? _

NCIS

Tony showed up at NCIS and proceeded to the bullpen. When he got there McGee, Orr, and Ziva were already gone. Gibbs was waiting for him.

"Where are your troops?" Tony asked.

"Baltimore looking for clues," Gibbs said.

Internally, Tony sighed with relief. He wasn't going to have to deal with any of the old team dynamics or his feelings for Ziva. It was just Gibbs and him, just like old times. This he could handle.

"So, Boss, what do you want from me?" he asked.

Gibbs stared at the younger man. He looked worn out and older than his years. Gibbs knew he was going through a tough stretch but there was more than that. He'd known DiNozzo too long not to be able to tell that something else was weighing him down.

"We need to talk, so it your choice: my place or we go to the diner and grab some food while we talk. Which is it?"

"I haven't eaten a good meal in a couple of days," he said.

"We'll take my truck," Gibbs said.

The dinner was fairly empty so Gibbs grabbed a corner booth and waited for waitress to bring him a cup of coffee. She placed it down and looked at Tony.

"So, what are you going to have?" she asked.

"Cheeseburger and French fries with a cup of coffee," Tony said.

"Same," added Gibbs.

She took the menus and left them alone. Gibbs tasted his coffee, smiled then looked at Tony. This was a man playing tightrope on the razor's edge. He could see it in his eyes with that thousand mile stare Tony was developing. Too many dead in his life and too many rejections, he didn't want to see Tony fall off that tightrope.

"Why'd you leave the team, DiNozzo?" he asked.

"Wanted one of my own," he answered.

"Don't bullshit, Tony," Gibbs said in a surprisingly soft voice. "You owe me the truth."

"Too many things in my life seem to catch up with me. I needed something new, Gibbs. I needed a change," he said.

"Ziva?" asked Gibbs.

"Yeah, she was part of it. But she was not the only part of it. I've had a lot of eye openers the past few years and finally I couldn't close my eyes to my life any longer. I needed to change my life," he said.

"There are better ways then running," said Gibbs.

"Not running, Gibbs, but I am conceding a few things. Sometimes it's better to be honest and concede a few things," he said.

"Like what?" Gibbs asked.

Their cheeseburgers and Tony's coffee came. The waitress gave Gibbs a knowing smile and left them alone. After smothering his fries and cheeseburger in ketchup, Tony took a bite.

"I asked you like what, Tony?" asked Gibbs said.

"Okay, like I'll never have that perfect marriage, 2.5 kids and house with a white picket fence," he said. "I'm a cop, even as a federal agent, I'm a cop. The job is me, which means I'll retire in twenty years and either drink myself to death or eat a bullet because I've got nothing but movies and bad memories in my life. You know how it is, Gibbs, no matter how many you save it's the one that you don't who haunts you."

"Jesus, Tony, I didn't realize it got that bad for you," said Gibbs.

"I put on a good show," he smiled.

Gibbs knew that was true. No one deflected and hid better than Gibbs.

"You know there are people who care for you starting with me," Gibbs said.

"I know, boss," smiled Tony.

Gibbs felt a spark of optimism seeing a sincere smile coming from DiNozzo.

"Don't forget Ducky and Jimmy, too," said Gibbs.

"I know that," said Tony.

"And Abby," added Gibbs and saw Tony tense. "Talk to her. She is upset that you won't talk to her."

"I will. I just got busy," he said then saw Gibbs roll his eyes, "and I got pissed at her but I'm over it. I'll talk to her soon."

Gibbs glared at him.

"Like today," Tony said.

"And Ziva. She has been pissy since you left. Fix it. I don't care what happened between you two. It's probably a misunderstanding since I'm sure she cares about you," Gibbs said.

"Gibbs, I'll talk to her. Don't worry. Whatever it is I'll smooth it over. She will be fine after I talk to her," Tony assured him.

"I want both of you to be fine," Gibbs said. "No more of you telling people what they want to hear or let people past only so many of the walls you have up. Be honest with her and maybe she'll surprise you and be honest with you."

"Yes, dad," mumbled Tony.

Gibbs glared at him again: "I owe you a head slap."

Tony took another bite of his cheeseburger, as did Gibbs.

"Now, who do you think is trying to kill you?" Gibbs asked him.

"It's a long list but this… this seems really personal. I think we should look at relatives of people I've either put away from life or killed," said Tony.

Gibbs smiled. That was his SFA.

NCIS

Tony entered Abby's lab. She was listening to some bad that made his back teeth hurt, so she didn't hear him enter. When she caught a look of him in the reflection of her computer, she turned off the music, jumped off her stool, ran into his open arms and gave him a bone crushing hug. Once the hug was over, she stepped back and punched him in the right upper arm then gave him another hug.

"I should be mad at you for avoiding me," she said.

"I admit to acting childish. I haven't been at my best lately. Please forgive me," he said with a pout.

"Of course, Tony, I'll always forgive you," she said. "Plus, all I wanted to do was explain why Ziva said…"

"Abby, no. The past is the past and I'm now past what happened," he said. "I'll apologize to Ziva and that will be that."

"But, Tony," she started to speak.

"No! I don't want to talk about. Listen I've gone through too much shit since then. I really don't want to revisit it," he told her.

"But, Tony, it's important. You have to listen," she said. "I think it would at least give you a sense of…"

"Closure," he smiled. "Don't worry, Abby, it's closed."

He kissed her on the forehead and walked out of the lab.

NCIS

Ziva, McGee, and Orr came back from into the bullpen they were greeted by the sight of Tony and Gibbs working together. They put away their gear and then joined the two men. On the flat screen was the image of a swarthy, handsome man.

"Ashar Lapin, Gibbs," said Tony. "I killed his brother and he is known as being vindictive and liking to torment those he has a vendetta against."

"McGee, find out where this Ashar is," Gibbs ordered.

Ziva noticed that Gibbs seemed almost happy having Tony at his side again. She then glanced over at Tony. It appeared tired to her. Whatever tension and pressure he was under was showing in his five o'clock shadow and darkness under his eyes.

Tony's smartphone rang. He pulled it out.

"DiNozzo," he answered it.

"_Someone made another attempt on, Nan_," Jace Miller told him.

"What happened?" he barked.

"_This time it was a man with a gun, who is now a dead man with a gun thanks to Special Agent Mann_," Miller said.

"How is Nan?" he asked.

"_The bullet grazed her ribcage. She's at Georgetown again_," Jace said.

"I'm on my way," He hung up.

Gibbs looked at his former SFA and nodded his head.

"We'll look into SFA," he said.

"Talk to you later," Tony said.

He then rushed passed Ziva, grabbed his jacket and bolted to get to the hospital.

NCIS

For the rest of the afternoon Ziva was having trouble concentrating. SO far they had not been able to track down Ashar, so she made a call to Israel to speak to Malachi.

"I need to know about an Ashar Lapin," she said to him in Hebrew.

"_Ziva, I cannot do busy work for you_," he said.

"Lapin wants Tony dead. I need to know where he is," she said.

"_Give me twenty-four hours_," he said. "_Now it is late here. Goodnight_."

She hung up and looked over at Gibbs, who was on the phone with his contacts. He hung up.

"Get anything, Ziver?" asked Gibbs.

"Twenty-four hours I should have an answer," she said.

"That's better than nothing," growled Gibbs.

"Should we put Tony under protective custody?" Ziva asked him.

"He's a special agent in charge of an office. I can't put him under protective custody unless he agrees," he said.

Gibbs looked at her and saw a scowl on her face. He didn't know whether to laugh or lecture her on his rules. He decided on a smirk.

NCIS

Tony burst into Nan's hospital room looked like he wanted to rip someone' head off. Jefferson and Mann were there with her.

"Before you growl at us, boss," Mann said, "I did kill the bastard who took a shot at her."

"The shooter was local muscle, a nobody. He probably cost a couple of C notes," said Jefferson.

"What were you looking into today that correlates with the time you were almost run over by a car?" he asked her.

"Drone subs. It's a fifty billion dollar project so far," she said.

"Plenty of graft and corruption to be found in a fifty billion dollar project," said Tony. "Gentlemen, look into it and have King look into it. Nan is staying at my apartment until we are sure her life isn't in danger."

"Boss, you don't have to do this," she said.

"Yeah, I do. I was trained by a marine who took good care of his people," said Tony.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Eight

They went back to Nan's apartment so she could grab a bag and some clothes then Tony drove her to his place. He had no intention of letting her be alone after two attempts on her life. Once there he ordered them Chinese food, as she changed into sweatpants and a tee shirt. When she came out of his bedroom, he looked at his agent. Without makeup and after another hard day she looked to be about twelve. Suddenly, he felt even more protective of her.

"Food is on the way," he said.

"Thanks," she said then grunted in pain as she sat on his sofa and began to stare at his DVD collection. "Okay, I suddenly feel inadequate."

"Why?" he asked.

"I've got about hundred DVDs but you have an amazing collection," she smiled.

He had bookcase after bookcase of movies. The obsession of movies that started with his mother's death when he was eight had grown into an all-encompassing hobby.

"We have to watch a movie," she said.

"You're a movie fan?" he smiled.

"Huge," she replied.

"Okay, what are you in the mood for," he said with some excitement.

He had turned Abby into a semi-movie fan and had tried over the years to introduce Ziva to the world of cinema and then there were countless girlfriends and one night trysts who'd watch a movie with him here and there, but this was a first that he had in his apartment a woman, who was a _huge_ fan. He walked over the bookcase.

"Comedy, drama, dramedy, classic, or foreign, just ask and I just might have it," he said.

"Alright, how about _A Touch of Evil_?" she asked.

"Orson Welles directed film noir classic with Charlton Heston and Orson Welles. I believe 1958. The opening tracking crane shot alone makes it an amazing movie," he said.

"Jezee, you sound like you should be a professor of cinema," she said.

For a moment he thought of his undercover days as Tony DiNardo. That was another fuck up in his life.

"Yeah, I should have been," he smiled sadly.

He retrieved the DVD and put it into his Blu-ray player then settled down on the sofa next to Nan. Looking over at her and seeing her eyes light up made him wish he still looked like he was twelve.

NCIS

Ziva kept checking the clock on her computer. Time was passing as if it was stuck in mud. It was now eight o'clock and Gibbs still had them at work. With Tony's life in danger he'd have them going twenty-four seven until they found Ashar Lapin. She had been told stories by Abby and McGee stories of how he got when Tony got into deep trouble or danger. He became the overprotective grizzly bear. They were all in some ways his children, a replacement for Shannon, but Tony was that special child. Abby garnered the most attention, but Tony brought out the Gibbs who threatened to shot a scientist unless he had a cure for Y Pestis.

"Call it a night," he barked.

Ziva started to pack up. She had decided an hour ago that she was going to drop by Tony's apartment after work. She needed to talk to him. Even though she told Abby she wasn't sure that she could ever have a relationship with him because of all that had happened between them, she missed his presence in her life. This avoiding her had to stop.

NCIS

_A Touch of Evil_ was followed by _Lady from Shanghai_. He decided on making it an Orson Welles double feature. They ate Chinese food then he gave her a painkiller and checked her bandage. She was like a nervous schoolgirl when she lifted her shirt for him to check the bandage. He also found his match in taking painkillers. Where he became dopey like he had drunk a bottle of tequila for the first time, she was knocked out by the painkiller. He lifted her up in his arms and carried her to his bedroom then tucked her into his bed.

Tony grabbed a spare blanket and pillow from his closet and then returned to the sofa where he'd spend the night. After clearing up the dishes, he decided on a third Orson Welles film to watch, _The Stranger_. He had just put it in for to watch when there was a knock on his door. Pausing the DVD player, he walked over and opened the door. Standing there in front of him was Ziva. Her hair was down and looking wild like when she first joined NCIS as a Mossad liaison. She had her overcoat on but he could guess the practical work clothes underneath. Hell, he'd just seen her a few hours earlier.

"Tony," she said.

"Ziva, what can I do for you?" he asked. He tried to hide the fact he just wasn't in the mood to talk, or open up, or make amends. All he wanted to do was relax.

"May I come in?" she asked.

"Of course," he said. "There's some Chinese food on the breakfast nook if you like some."

She looked over and saw the Chinese food. It was much more than he'd buy for himself.

"You have a guest?" she asked uncomfortably.

"My injured agent is in my bedroom sleeping. She's had a tough go lately. There have been two attempts on her life so she is under my protection now," he told her.

"Oh," she walked over to the food and checked it.

There was a box of Chicken Lo Mein, which she liked, and Chicken and Cashews, which she also liked. He didn't like either and they were untouched. She wondered why he ordered them. Was it a habit because they used to watch movies and eat Chinese food together? She grabbed an egg roll and the box of chicken and cashews along with a spork and walked to the sofa. Placing the food on the table and taking off her overcoat, she tossed it on the back of the sofa then she down to eat.

"What are you watching?" she asked.

He was pouring himself a generous MaCallan's scotch.

"_The Stranger_. Edward G Robinson plays a Nazi hunter and Orson Welles plays a Nazi," he said.

"Is it a good movie?" she asked.

"It a decent Orson Welles directed movie, which makes it better than most," he answered.

"Can I watch it with you?" she asked.

"Sure, if you want," he said then walked, picked up the remote and pressed play.

Ziva started eating and watching the movie. For reasons she didn't want to deal with she felt happy just sitting there with him watching a movie and eating Chinese food out of a carton. She leaned back and watched the black and white movie and enjoyed herself.

When the movie was over, she found herself honestly entertained by the movie. It was satisfying on many levels and some of that had to do with the company.

"I have never seen an Orson Welles film," she said.

"I've never shown you one, really?" he said.

"No. None," she answered.

"I must have thought you weren't ready," he said to himself.

She looked at him. He was quiet through the movie. She was used to him explaining famous scenes or quoting dialogue before the actor said it. This time he sat pensively sipping his scotch. She lifted her drink to her lips and took a sip. Suddenly, she felt tired. She put her glass down and decided to close her eyes just for a few seconds before talking to him.

Tony heard Ziva begin to snore. A smile crept across his face. His ninja still sounded like a rhino in heat. He got up and gently lifted her legs so that she was lying down then he covered her with a blanket. Once she was settled in on the sofa, he turned off the light, moved over to the reclining chair, and settled into it for the night.

NCIS

He woke up from the pain radiating from his back. Gingerly getting up, he made his way to the bath and took a nice long hot shower. After shower he slipped into his room and grabbed some new clothes, black jeans and a pink oxford shirt. He exited the bedroom to see Ziva was surprisingly still asleep.

"Well, pancakes for my guest should be nice," he said to himself.

He got a mixing bowl out, dozen eggs, flour, vanilla extract, and cinnamon. In a better mood than he thought possible, considering how badly his back hurt when he woke up, he started to make pancakes for Nan and Ziva.

Ziva smelled the food cooking and opened her eyes. She was on Tony's sofa with a blanket on. Sitting up she stretched then looked over through the kitchen nook, she saw Tony cooking. A smile began to play on her lips.

She got up and walked over to the nook.

"Good morning," she said.

"Hope you slept well," he said.

"I did. I need to go get my go bag in my trunk. Do you mind if I shower here?" she asked.

"Of course you can. I'll have breakfast for you in a few moments," he said

"Thank you, Tony," she said softly then took for to get her bag.

Once Ziva left Nan got up and came out of the bedroom. She stopped in the kitchen door and looked at Tony.

"You are making breakfast?" Nan asked.

"You," he answered.

"Making a lot," she said.

"I had a friend drop over last night once you passed out and she passed out on me. I have that effect on women – I make them go to sleep," Tony smiled.

Ziva came back on the apartment having left the door ajar. She saw Nan.

"Special Agent Ziva David, this is Special Agent Nan Quinn," Tony introduced them.

"Hi," said Nan.

"Hello," Ziva said cautiously.

"You two are about the same age, a couple years different, so think of this as the old man making you breakfast," Tony said.

Ziva cringed when she heard this. He still was harboring resentment. Nan scoffed at his comment.

"You're not old, Tony. Hell, I dated a professor in college who was older than you," said Nan.

"Thanks, Nan," he said as he flipped another pancake onto the giant stake he was making.

"I'd date you," she smiled.

"Yeah, but I'm your boss. And anyway, I've got insecurities older than you," he said.

"Very funny," she said.

Ziva listened to her flirt and smiled when Tony brushed her neatly off. She liked that. He got two plates, filled them with pancakes then handed them to the two women.

"Go to my dining table and I'll bring you forks and syrup," he said.

"May I have a cup of tea?" asked Ziva.

"Sure and OJ for the young lady who has been shot," he said.

"Thanks, Tony," said Nan.

Fifteen minutes later the three of them sat with empty plates in front of them. Tony was sipping coffee and Ziva tea. Nan was on her second OJ and taking her meds.

"You never cooked pancakes for me before," said Ziva. "They were delicious."

"I make them like Rosita, our cook, used to make them," he said. "My mother couldn't cook or clean, so we had Rosita as our cook and her sister Roselyn as the housekeeper. I learned Spanish from them. I think I missed them more than my father when I was shipped off to camps and a military academy after my mother's death. They took care of me. My mother spoiled me."

Nan listened. She could tell that Ziva knew more about Tony's background than she did.

"I miss them," he said more to himself than Ziva or Nan.

"I am supposed get some information today about Ashar Lapin," Ziva told him.

Tony relived the moment when Lapin shot Deena Monroe point blank in the head because she recognized him. If Ashar was the more vindictive brother than the man must be soulless because it seemed like he wanted to emotional torture Tony before killing him. Suddenly, he thought about his father.

"Damn it," he exclaimed then got up and got his smartphone.

Both Nan and Ziva watched him with concern. He dialed a number. After a few rings it went to voicemail.

"Dad, call me. I think you might be in danger," he said then hung up and looked at Ziva.

She could see the fear in his eyes.

"I'll call Gibbs and tell him. Where is your father?" she asked.

"Last time I checked he was staying his Manhattan apartment. I think he was finally selling the Long Island place," he said.

Ziva got up, grabbed her smartphone and called Gibbs. As she was on the phone with him, Tony wondered if he should call NYPD. No, he'd let Gibbs handle it.

"Are you alright, Tony?" asked Nan.

"I'm… concerned," he said.

Ziva hung up and faced him: "He said I should stay with you today and he is contacting NY field office to check on your father."

"Yeah, sure. There's no reason to panic," he said.

His smartphone rang. He picked up the smartphone and saw it was a NY number and his stomach clenched. He answered it.

"Anthony DiNozzo," he said.

"Are you Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo?" the New York accented voice asked.

"Yes, who is this?" he replied.

"Det. Stephen Hess, NYPD. Is your father Anthony DiNozzo, Snr?" he asked.

Tony felt his head get light. His instincts were right, but they were also late.

"Yes, that's my father," he said.

"I'm sorry to tell you that he has been murdered," Hess said.

"How?" asked Tony.

"I'd rather…," Hess started to speak.

"Hess, I'm not only a former homicide detective but I currently investigate murders for the navy. How was he murdered?" he asked.

Ziva felt her breath catch. Tony's father was dead. She looked at him and saw the pain in his eyes as he kept his face as blank as possible.

"Throat cut. In his chest someone craved junior," Hess told him.

"I need the body shipped to DC to the NCIS medical examiner. How can I arrange this?" asked Tony.

"I'm not sure. I'll ask around and call you back," he said. "Hey, I'm sorry about this. Can you give me any insight to that would have done this?"

"Yeah, he was murdered because he's my father. It's a revenge killing," said Tony.

"Shit, sorry to hear that. I'll call you back," Hess said then hung up.

Tony put the phone down then looked at Ziva: "You can call Gibbs and tell him the NY field office doesn't have to look for my father."

"Oh, Tony," Ziva said.

Nan looked at her boss and wanted to cry.

"When will this bastard just kill me and get it over with?" he asked then turned and walked down the hallway and into his bedroom. He shut the door.

"What can we do?" Nan asked Ziva.

"I am going to make sure the bastard doesn't kill Tony," Ziva answered.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Nine

Gibbs ordered Ziva to stay on Tony's six while he took care of having Senior's body shipped to Ducky. With Nan and Ziva in tow, Tony got to OSP DC. As they entered, he pointed to a desk and nodded at Nan: "Sit. You're on desk duty."

With a roll of her eyes, she walked over to her desk and sat down. Ziva stayed at Tony's side. She was not going to let him get killed on her watch and she was willing to make her watch fulltime.

"Jefferson, Mann, I want you to set up surveillance of the undersecretary. He's either dirty or being used. Let's find out which one," said Tony.

Her frustration level was rising as he ignored her. Tony did many things to her over the years, including kill Michael Rivkin, but he never ignored her. She didn't like this.

"I want this case wrapped up quickly because I have another one for us," he said.

"What's that?" asked Jefferson.

"Finding whoever killed a Petty Officer with my name, an old cop buddy, and my father," he told him.

"Whoever it is wants him dead, too," added Nan.

"In terms of leads, the best one we have so far is an Ashar Lapin. He's a weapons dealer and I killed his brother in LA," said Tony. "Get your asses in gear, except you, Nan. The most I want from you is to go into ops and make sure they are tracking King. You haven't been given the go ahead to go back into the field yet."

He turned and strode away. Ziva followed him into his office. She sat down in a chair and stared at him as he sat done behind his desk. Ziva glared him.

"Gibbs told you to stick by my side, right?" he said without looking at her.

"Yes, Tony," said.

"Do you want me to give you something to do while you are here?" he asked her.

She smirked: "That depends."

Tony stared at her in disbelief. She was flirting with him. It almost felt like old times, but considering his father was dead and he knew she had no interest him, he chalked it up to a reflex action for her.

"Listen, Ziva, you don't have to do that. Our days of flirting with each other, of dancing around each other, are over. We don't need to talk about because in the end we are both better off stopping the game playing," he said then tilted his head to the right.

Ziva had seen him tilt his head that way man times. It meant he was playing. He meant what he said. She had some convincing to do.

"No, Tony, our dance is not over just yet, to use one of your many idioms you like so much. I said those things to Abby because I did not want to tell her the truth about how I felt about you," Ziva stated.

"Ziva, is there an us?" he asked.

He knew the answer all too well.

"No," she said, "not in the way you mean."

"Will there ever be an us?" he asked.

"I'm not sure that there can be," she said.

He covered whatever he felt about her answer with a smile then he titled his head to the right again.

"That doesn't sound promising and I guess I'm too old for an answer like I'm not sure," he said with a slight growl that Ziva was surprised how she reacted to it. She got excited. After all these years he still could push her buttons and get her excited but she always hid it from him. At least, she thought she did.

"I have some work to do. If you want you can watch me do it," Tony said.

"I will watch you, Tony," said Ziva.

NCIS

The day slowly moved along. Tony spent the majority of the day in Ops keeping an eye on King and watching his second team as they tracked a UA who was ferrying stolen antiquities. Ziva watched as he barked orders and made suggestions. She had to admit that over the years it became easier and easier to underestimate Tony with his jokes and inability to take things seriously, but when things were on the line he was the agent Gibbs always said he was the best he ever worked with. Both she and McGee had forgotten how good he really was.

"SAC DiNozzo," Jace said not bothering to hide his irritation, "if we are going to pull shifts like this during ops, I expect more people. People need rest, food, and lives outside of work."

"You have enough people, Miller. Circumstances call us to put in long hours sometimes," Tony said then he stared him down. Miller's face turned red but he kept his mouth shut.

"Sir, Special Agent Lynn wants to talk to you," said one of the techs.

"Put him up," said Tony.

Mike Lynn, the team leader of OSP team 2, came up on the screen via Skype. He looked pissed. Tony couldn't blame him for that. Micah was a piece of work who had used several of the men under him leaving them holding the bad, even though they were probably innocent.

"What's wrong Mike?" asked Tony.

"Master Chief Micah is a survivalist and he has headed into the hills of Kentucky. I hear he could live off the land for years with a knife and the clothes he was wearing. Permission to pursue the bastard and apprehend him," he said.

"Leave Atkins back to act as the communication hub somewhere safe. He's your weakest in terms of training and experience," said Tony.

"I agree with you on that," Lynn said.

"Stay in pairs. I don't want this bastard to kill any of you," added Tony.

"Boss, you're starting to make me think you care about us," said Lynn.

"Get a couple of satellite phones, too, so you can make regular calls into us," Tony told him.

"No arguments coming from me, boss. I'll call you when I got the bastard," said Lynn then he was gone.

"We'll set up a twenty-four shift until they find Micah," said Miller.

"Thank you," Tony said glad that he didn't have to argue with him then he started to walk away. "I need a coffee."

"Get some food, too. It might make you less irritable," said Jace.

"Sure, Tony," said.

As he and Ziva got to the other floor, they saw that Nan was asleep on the sofa, which amused Tony. He was struck again at how young and innocent she looked. _I'm starting to feel more like her father than her boss. I guess I'm starting to get the family thing Gibbs felt towards his team. _

"She must have taken a painkiller. They put her out cold," he said.

"You mean you finally found someone who handles painkillers even worse than you," Ziva teased him.

He looked at her and she gave him her Mona Lisa smile that he loved so much. Tony sighed trying to suppress his feelings for Ziva. He wasn't in the mood to bang his head off the emotional wall she had become for him.

"Yeah, and she's a movie freak like me, too. I have to admit that she is one of the few I've found. I knew there was a reason I hired her," he chuckled.

"I see," Ziva said.

"Well, I'm hungry. Time for dinner," Tony stated.

"I'm coming with you," she said.

"I can't stop you, Ziva. You don't work for me," he said.

NCIS

They went to a local pub, slipped into a booth, and faced each other. For several minutes, they sat in silence staring at each other: Ziva uncomfortable with her emotions and feelings and Tony wanting to put his in the past and move on, or, at least, pretend he had moved on. The waitress came over to their table to take their orders.

"I'll have a corned beef sandwich with side of fries and Glenlivet 18 on the rocks," Tony ordered.

"I'll have a Chinese chicken salad and green tea," ordered Ziva.

Tony took his smartphone out and placed it on the table. He expected a call. Actually, since he started this job he always expected a call.

"You are drinking too much," she stated.

He smirked. The waitress brought Tony his drink and placed a steaming hot mug of water with a tea bag in it.

"Here handsome," she said then offered Tony a smile.

Tony returned the smile with his movie star smile. She moved on.

"She is not your type," Ziva said.

"Really," he smirked.

"Yes, really. You have grown beyond waitresses and one night stands," she said.

"You know this conversation is four months too late, so we don't have to have it," he said. "Anyway, I do agree that it is about time for me to act my age. See, you've accused me of not listening to you in the past. I listen."

Ziva rolled her eyes and then tried to clamp down her temper.

"Listen to me I explained why I said what I said to Abby. I didn't know you were listening. I just wanted to brush her off," Ziva said the took a deep breath and exhaled. "You are not too old for me."

Tony took a sip of his scotch. Ziva's smartphone rang. She took it out and saw it was from Malachi. Answering it, she started to speak in Hebrew.

"You have the information," she said.

"_Yes, Ashar Lapin is in the US. We were tracking him right up until we lost him in New York after traveled from Baltimore_," he said.

"When did you lose him?" she asked.

"_Yesterday_," he said.

"Is he alone?" asked Ziva.

"_No. He is traveling with three mercenaries_," Malachi told him.

"Did you watch him murder Americans?" she asked.

"_Those following him where told not to interfere in US unless he attacked Jewish targets or sold weapons_," Malachi said.

"You could have stopped him," she said.

"_That was not their orders and you know how much we in the Kidon must follow orders_," said Malachi.

"That is no longer good enough an answer," she said then hung up.

"New boyfriend?" he smiled.

"It is business related," she said.

She texted the information she had just learned to McGee so he could inform Gibbs then she sat feeling sick to her stomach. The men who died, Tony's father especially, didn't have to die if her father's men had just killed Lapin and his men. Tony got a call.

"DiNozzo," he said.

"_Boss, it's definitely the unmanned sub drone that they are interested in_," said King. "_I'm at a pub with a female aid of the undersecretary's and she is making me an offer to steal the plans for it_."

"Say, yes. We'll set up a sting then turn her to find out if the undersecretary is involved," he said.

"_I like it_," King said. "_So, should I sleep with her to close the deal_?"

Tony sighed. Yeah, it would close the deal and make his cover bullet proof, yet he also understood the price that comes with that. But this was the job.

"Do what you think is best. I trust you and I won't put pressure on you," said Tony.

"_Thanks for trusting me, boss_," King hung up.

He suddenly felt nauseous, so he took his drink and empty half of it. Ziva could see the turmoil in his face.

"Do you have a problem?" she asked him.

"No, no problem," he growled.

Their dinners came. This time Tony didn't bother to flirt with the waitress, which actually made Ziva even more concerned about him.

"Tony, when this is over can we have a real conversation about this?" she asked as she motioned her hand between him and her.

"Zi, I think we have talked enough. I've made too many mistakes in my life, so I've gotten really good at knowing when something is no longer worth talking about," he said.

"I think we are worth talking about, Tony," she said.

"Guilt isn't a good reason to talk about something, Zi," he said then he looked at his sandwich and sighed.

Tony finished his drink then took his wallet out and put more than enough money down to cover the bill. The waitress came over and picked up the money.

"Check us out and keep the change," he grinned.

She left.

"I don't feel guilty, Tony. I'm not sure what I feel but it isn't guilt," she said.

"Well, it isn't love, either," he said then he stood up. "Finish you meal, Ziva. I'm going back to OSP and you should call it a night. No one is going to kill me while at the office."

He walked away and Ziva was surprised to feel tears burning at the edges of her eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Ten

Tony handed Nan's protection duty off to Mann and Jefferson for this night, which they happily took deciding to all three sacked out at Mann's place. He needed time alone, time to grieve, time to allow the guilt to wash over and drown him. Getting into his apartment, he went right for the bottle of scotch. It seemed to be the only form of succor that helped him lately. Pouring an overly generous glass he plopped himself down on his sofa and empty half the glass before starting to ball like a child. _DiNozzo's don't cry, my ass_, he thought as the tears flowed.

His relationship with his father was just getting better and now it was gone. After years of wanting a father in his life, not just a well-dressed conman, but a real father, Senior had started to make changes. He actually tried to keep in touch with Tony now and it wasn't always about borrowing money and convincing him to make an investment. Now his father was dead because of him.

Tony grabbed his glass downed the rest of the contents of the glass then threw the crystal glass against the wall. He then stood up, grabbed the bottle and started to drink from the bottle. He didn't want to deal with his emotions tonight. His dead had started to visit him every night lately, but he didn't want any visits from them tonight. He was going to drink these ghosts into submission and maybe go a night without waking up in a cold sweat.

Lifting his bottle to his lips, he started to drink deeply from it. The burn of the alcohol scratched his throat and continued down into his stomach where it warmed his body and confounded his senses. He was getting closer and closer to the edge, close enough to see the abyss in front of him. He wondered if he was ready to fall into the abyss and be done with it.

NCIS

Ziva had no idea how to approach Tony this time. He had too many walls up in which he was hiding behind them and he was keeping her too far away. Usually, she was the one who kept him away, especially after Somalia. He scared her to death after Somalia.

She knew it was partially her fault that he was this distant, but he just didn't understand that she couldn't afford to be hurt again. In addition, he was the one who could hurt her like no other. Wasn't he the one who came to Somalia for revenge, to kill the man who killed her or die trying, and found her alive instead and then told her that he couldn't live without her? No, she couldn't let him hurt her because she'd turn to salt and crumble, if he did.

Picking up her glass of chardonnay, she took a sip of her wine. Tomorrow, she'd stop in at NCIS and see if Gibbs had any leads. They needed to find this Lapin and his mercenaries before they killed anyone else Tony was close to him. She doubted he could take much more before he just stopped trying and gave up and she couldn't let that happen. Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, Jimmy, McGee, and especially Tony had taught her how not to be an assassin and to be a human being. No, she owed him too much. However, it was more than owe him, and she knew that, she loved him. He was that one you were afraid of because they owned too much of your soul. No, she couldn't afford to lose him, just as if she couldn't let him too close for fear of being hurt more deeply than anyone could hurt her.

Yet, after all, they've both been through maybe he wouldn't hurt. Maybe he was ready to be the man she knew he could be, the man that could be her partner in all things. She took another sip of her wine.

NCIS

Tony woke in the morning sprawled on his bed still fully dressed. He had managed to drink himself to oblivion, which at least kept the ghosts away. Unfortunately, it didn't keep the pounding headache away. Carefully and slowly sitting up on the edge of his bed, the headache managed to go from the top of head and now stretch out to his eyeballs. He caught a glimpse of the clock: it was 6:30 in the morning. All he needed was a shower, a shave, get dressed, and five or six aspirins and he'd be able to go into work and see how the sting goes to today. They were close to handing this hot potato over to Vance and the SecNav.

He got up and his headache got worse while his stomach churned. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to pour a bottle of scotch down his gullet. He shuffled into the bathroom and vomited before taking his shower. More and more it seemed like it was going to be a glorious day. His telephone rang, so he opened the bathroom door to listen to the voice message.

"DiNozzo," it was Gibbs, "you father body arrived last night. I wanted to let you. Ducky wants to know if you any requests and I wanted to let you know I'm here for you. So, stop pouting and stop drinking and get your head back in the game."

Gibbs hung up. With that, Tony turned on the hot water and some cold water, switched the flow to the shower, and stepped underneath it. The beads of water on his flesh were a relief. Tense muscles that had knotted up overnight slowly released and allowed him some painless movement again. Getting out of the shower he toweled off then did a quick shave. Finally, he went into his bedroom, put on his black Armani suit alone with a white shirt and black tie and was ready for work.

Gibbs hinted he should come into NCIS headquarters today but he didn't have time. He wanted to put this damn op involving the undersecretary to bed so he could focus his team on finding Ashar Lapin. It was time to end the game they were playing. First, he'd see his father.

NCIS

Ziva was not in a good mood when she got to work, so she found her mood changed for even the worse when McGee told her that Gibbs was down in autopsy with Ducky and Tony's father. With a great deal of apprehension, she went down to join Gibbs in order to talk to him. She was shocked to find Tony already there. He was dressed in a black suit and stood alone beside his father' corpse. Ducky and Gibbs stood outside of autopsy door staring at him through the glass.

"He is not doing well, Jethro," said Ducky.

"I can see that, Duck," replied Gibbs.

"He won't let anyone help me, though, except you," Ducky said.

"I know," Gibbs said.

"You are all he has left in his mind. Everyone he will have distance himself from, including you Ziva," Ducky said without looking at her.

Both men have sensed her arrival. She didn't say anything at first, and then she found her voice.

"Why won't he distance himself from Gibbs?" asked Ziva.

"Two reasons: one, Jethro is the more of a father to him than his own father, and two; he believes Jethro can handle himself regardless of the enemy. He is not afraid for Jethro's life as much as he is ours," explained Ducky.

"How do I help him, Ducky?" she asked.

"Oh, Ziva, you and Anthony have a very difficult relationship. It goes beyond the boundaries of friendship yet you are not lovers. The two of you have allowed so much to interfere in the natural development of love that you both only see obstacles and not a way through to each other," Ducky said.

"Duck," Gibbs said in a warning voice, as if to remind him of the rules.

"They are no longer stopped by your rules, Jethro, they are stopped by their insecurities and fears, which are far more potent than your rules," Ducky told him. "Anyway, he is not coming back to you Jethro. Did he ever go back to Baltimore? No. Anthony is constant in that when he finally leaves he does not go back. He understands leaving all too well. It is a natural state to him. His mother died when he was eight; she left him and never came back. That started with his mother and has continued ever since. And, dear Ziva, you have known nothing but loss, also."

"I know, Ducky," she said.

"Don't lose him, Ziva," Ducky said. "He has never left you until now. Even after you pulled a gun on him in Tel Aviv and knocked him to the ground and threatened him, he didn't blame you. He blamed himself."

Ziva felt dizzy as if all the blood rush from her head. Ducky knew about Tel Aviv.

"What the hell are you talking about, Duck," growled Gibbs.

"You know, Ducky," she said softly.

"When you knocked him to the ground you caused his clavicle to re-break. He came to me to deal with it. We talked and eventually told me. He wasn't even angry with you, only concerned. And, of course, he was saddened because you didn't come home. You stayed in Israel and he felt your separation," Ducky told her.

Ziva stood there stoically staring at Ducky. Suddenly, the autopsy doors opened and Tony came out. Ducky turned his attention to him.

"When you're done, Ducky, please have him cremated and I'll take it from there," said Tony.

"Are you sure, Anthony?" Ducky asked.

"Yes," he said.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs started to speak, but Tony cut him off.

"I have to go. We are running a sting today, not as complicated as Redford and Newman's sting in _The Sting_, though," he tried to smile. It came off as a lopsided grimace.

He looked at Ziva for a moment. She saw a storm in those green eyes of his. He took his Ray-bans out of his pocket and slipped them on covering his eyes.

"Give me best to McGee and Abby," he said then walked away.

Once he was on the elevator, Gibbs did his best imitation of a ghost and disappeared. He knew of only one way to help DiNozzo and that was find Lapin. This left Ziva with Ducky.

"Come into my lair and I'll make you a cup of tea," he said.

"Ducky, I think I have lost him as a friend," she said.

"But you have not lost him someone who loves you yet," Ducky said.

He entered autopsy and she followed him. Senior was on the cold slab covered. For some reason he couldn't identify just yet Ducky didn't want to perform the autopsy on the man. Maybe, he just didn't want to have a conversation with him. He would do it, but not right this moment. He saw Ziva staring at the sheet covered body.

"He was not really a good man. He failed his son in so many ways. The silly bastard had been gifted with a loving, talented child and he managed to do nothing but push him away and hurt him after Tony's mother died. Even as an adult Tony kept hoping he'd become a father to him and there was some signs of change lately, but, alas, the man's death ends up hurting his son to the point I fear for Anthony. He is about to become Gibbs after his Shannon and Kelly were killed, the driven, obsessed, and completely cut off from humanity Gibbs," said Ducky. "We can't allow that can we? You can stop that."

"It is not that easy," she said.

"Yes, you might get hurt. Am I right?" he said.

Ziva looked at Ducky and her expression gave away her fear.

"He'd die for you. You know that, don't you?" Ducky said.

She nodded yes.

"If you saw him with Wendy before she broke his heart, you'd have no doubts. He was romantic, committed and happy. After she broke it off the night before their wedding, he became the womanizing, forever deflecting and joking Anthony. That other Tony still exists, he is just hiding," Ducky told her. "Now Earl Grey or Mint tea?"

"Whatever you'd like, Ducky," she said.

NCIS

Tony stood in ops with headset on so that he could speak to his agents. King was meeting with the aide at a coffee shop to talk after their night together. In bed she proposed that if he put on the information about the drone sub on a flash drive that it would be worth two million dollars for him. He was supposed to give his answer over a late afternoon coffee. Tony placed Mann and Jefferson in the coffee shop as patrons.

She was sitting there waiting for King when he came in his marine uniform. He sat down and a waitress came over, so he ordered a coffee. Once he had his coffee, he started the conversation.

"_Jennifer, I have some doubts about this. I mean I don't think you and I are connected enough to sell this for its proper price," King started. _

"_Can you get it?" she asked. _

"_Of course. But still, I wish there was someone involved with the connections to move this properly. It could be worth half a billion dollars," he said. _

"_A billion to the right government," she said. _

Tony smiled. King must have been convincing in bed because she didn't doubt him.

"_Are you going to sell it to some government?" he asked. _

"_No. But Undersecretary Naylon can," she said. _

"_He's the man behind this," King said. _

"_Yes," she said. _

"_Why?" he asked her. "I thought he was wealthy." _

"_Bad economy, housing, he's hurting for money. He's managed to keep it from his family and the Secretary of Navy, but he needs money to bail himself out," she explained. _

"_Wow, that is too bad," King said. _

"Take her down now," Tony said. "Bring here in and we'll break her then hand this over to Vance."

"_Jennifer," he said softly. _

"_Yes," she said. _

"_I'm not a colonel. I'm NCIS Special Agent King," he said. "You're coming with me." _

Tony watched as she bolted but ran right into the arms of Jefferson. Jace Miller whooped behind him and the techs applauded. There first op had gone well so far, except for the stupid attempts on Quinn's life.

"Calm down everyone. Let's get Agent Lynn on the satellite phone and see how his backwoods search is going," he ordered.

"Yes, sir," said a tech.

Tony took the headphone off for a moment then ran his hand through his hair. He put the headphone on and was ready to deal with his other team. Maybe all he had to do was concentrate on work and everything would be fine.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Eleven

Ziva felt both exhilarated and exhausted from her conversation with Ducky. He both assuaged her fears and made her realize that she had to take a kind of risk she feared the most: she had to risk her heart. Sitting at her desk, she hoped that Gibbs would send them home soon, as so far they came up with nothing on Lapin. Her smartphone rang.

"David," she answered it.

"_We have picked up Lapin's trail in Baltimore_," said Malachi.

"Where in Baltimore?" she asked.

"_Not sure. His top mercenary was spotted there. We are following him. I will give you more when I have more to give. Be patient_," he hung up.

Suddenly, Ziva wondered if Eli knew that Malachi was calling her. He was one of the top spymasters in the world, it would be hard to believe that he did not. And if he did know then was he allowing this for a nefarious reason or because he knew his daughter cared greatly for Tony. It was always hard to discern when it came to Eli.

"Gibbs," she spoke up.

"Yeah, Ziver," he said.

"I may have a lead on Lapin," she told him.

NCIS

Jennifer Cole was ushered into their interrogation room. It was four white walls, four surveillance cameras, a table and some chairs and nothing else. King stood there in his marine uniform. Tony noticed that it wasn't a look of pride on his face but one of regret.

"Change into you civilian clothes, you are doing this interview with me," Tony said.

"Why not the uniform?" he asked.

"Because in civilian clothes it will become more apparent to her that you were a trap she fell in. You played her and she didn't play you," he said. "I want her to realize how much trouble she is in."

"Gotcha, boss," said King.

Together he and King entered the interrogation room. Jennifer Cole was attractive and very scared. She looked at both men then her eyes fell on King as he was wearing a suite. King sat down across from her while Tony stood and walked about the room like a predator ready to strike.

"Ms. Cole, you realize selling top secret weapons plans to foreign entities is treason," King stated.

She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Why?" she asked him. This was meant as a personal question not a professional one.

Tony observed his agent. He was doing a good job of hiding his pain. The man did a good job and now he was paying the price for it. King was about to answer her when Tony stepped in and stopped him.

"Treason can be punished by death. Lethal injection, now that doesn't sound pleasant does it. Of course, if you don't like lethal injection they can gather together six soldier. Just to give these soldiers an emotional way out they tell them that one of them was given a blank, but they don't tell them which one of them. Of course, if the government is in a good mood we are talking about life in prison. Yes, life," he stopped prowling and smiled at her.

It wasn't a pleasant smile, either. It sent a cold chill down her spine.

"Have you seen some of those B film exploitive women in prison films from the seventies and eighties?" he asked.

"No," she said apprehensively.

"Oh, too bad. You see in all of these films there is the inevitable shower scene and in that shower scene there is the inevitable rape of the new girl by the tougher, stronger, hornier, and meaner women. These scenes are often filmed to be erotic, if you like that sort of thing, but what is most interesting about that is that they are true. Rape doesn't just happen in men's prisons to guys who act as the female substitute. Woman like to bring the humiliation and pain, too," he said.

She looked as if she was going to have a major breakdown. Tony had her. Now it was time to rail her in.

"If you'd like to avoid one of these clichéd scenes where Ethel and Bernadette along with a couple of their friends have their way with you, I'd listen to a onetime offer I'm about to tell you about," Tony explained. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," she said.

"You tell me everything from who is in charge to why they tried to kill one of my agents and I will setup a sweet new life for you with the Marshalls and WitSec somewhere in the US," he said. "Are you interested?"

"Yes," she sobbed.

Tony nodded to King.

"It's okay, Jennifer. I'm here and I'll help you through this," he said.

"Jennifer, who was in charge of this idea to steal secret plans?" he asked.

"Undersecretary Naylon," she said.

Tony smiled. Bingo, it was time to call Vance.

"King, listen to her story and start double and triple checking," he said. "I have other things to do. More important things than you Miss Cole."

Tony exited the interrogation room feeling like he just kicked a kid's puppy. His agents were looking at him with a new look of respect or was it fear. He didn't know which and he didn't care. It was time to get the director on the phone and hand this one over to him.

NCIS

Gibbs stood up: "Gear up! We have a dead marine in Baltimore."

Ziva, McGee, and Orr dutifully grabbed their gear and followed Gibbs. Gibbs wanted just to take one vehicle so they took the NCIS MCRT van. He wanted to grab the evidence, do the witness interviews, and have Jimmy and Ducky grab the body and be gone. His mind was more on solving the problem of Lapin before he killed DiNozzo.

The body was found in the section of Baltimore called Pigtown in an old slaughterhouse. They pulled up, saw that there were four uniformed officers, and looked to be two detectives waiting for them. The detectives entered the slaughterhouse. As usual, they beat Jimmy and Ducky in the ME van easily to the site. Getting out they started to carry their equipment into the slaughterhouse.

Gibbs saw the two detectives were standing by the body. He walked over to them. When he got close enough one of the detectives pulled his sidearms, put it up against his shoulder and fired.

"Ahhhhh," he screamed and fell to the ground in pain.

Before the other three NCIS agents could react to Gibbs getting shot, the fake police officers pulled their weapons. The detective who was in the more expensive suit walked over to McGee, Ziva, and Orr. He was handsome, brown skin, black hair, and dead eyes.

"The name is Ashar Lapin," he smiled but the eyes remained dead.

He nodded his head and one of the faux cops pistol-whipped Orr sending him to the ground.

"I've heard that you've been trying to find me," he said. "Here I am."

He nodded again and another of his cops handcuffed McGee and knocked him to the ground.

"We only need one of you for bait to bring DiNozzo out to pay for his crime," said Lapin.

He nodded again and another of Lapin's cops started to relieve Ziva of her weapons. First, he grabbed her Sig Sauer then he found her backup piece and two knives.

"She is full of surprises," he said.

In searching for more weapons he started to feel Ziva up which caused her to growl. Ever since Somalia, she started to freak out when touched or grabbed roughly and in someone else's control. Lapin took his own gun out and shot the man in the head.

"You will treat her well unless DiNozzo doesn't do as I say then you can do whatever you want to her," Lapin ordered. "Now let's go."

Handcuffing Ziva the faux cop grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her off with them. Lapin stopped at McGee, bent down, and put a burner cellphone in his pocket.

"Get ahold of DiNozzo and give him that phone. Tell him that I will call him and then we can do business," said Lapin.

"Take me instead of her," said McGee,

"I would except I've studied Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. He loved her not you," smiled Lapin. "Goodbye, Special Agent McGeek. I am thorough in my research."

He stood up and walked away. McGee struggled to his feet and ran over to Gibbs who had passed out.

"Nooooo!" he screamed then prayed Ducky and Jimmy got there soon.

NCIS

Tony showed up at Bethesda with panic in his eyes. As he entered the waiting room, Abby was crying on Ducky's shoulder, Jimmy was seated quickly, the new guy had an ice pack on the back of his head and blood on his shirt, Vance was on the phone, and McGee was pacing. When he saw Tony, McGee walked over to him and grabbed him by the arm and out of the waiting room.

"What is your problem, Tim?" he growled.

"Listen to me Tony before Vance comes to talk to us," McGee said.

He took the burner cellphone out of his pocket and out it in Tony's.

"Lapin is going to call you. He took Ziva as bait after dealing with the rest of us first. He said that you love her, that's why he took her and if you don't do as he says she is going to be…," he paused.

Tony bit his lower lip then said: "You don't need to paint a picture. I've already got on in my head."

"Okay, so you understand. You deal with this Tony. You deal with this like Gibbs taught you. He always said you were the best agent he ever worked with now prove it to this fucking Lapin. Get Ziva back and come back alive yourself," McGee said to him.

"How is Gibbs?" Tony asked.

"Right shoulder, through and through. Some muscle damaged and broken clavicle but he'll live," said McGee. "Focus on Ziva."

"How many of them?" asked Tony.

"Five including Lapin. He shot one of his men for starting to sexually assaulting Ziva. That is only going to happen if you don't do what he says," McGee said.

Tony wanted to scream. He wanted to tear apart the hospital with his bare hands. There was no way he was letting anything happened to Ziva. Vance exited the waiting room.

"I just finished talking to Balboa. He has BOLO out for Lapin and they are working the evidence," he said.

"Yes, director," said McGee.

Tony merely nodded. Vance could sense that something was up.

"McGee, give me a moment alone with Agent DiNozzo," Vance said.

McGee hesitated but Tony patted him on the shoulder, so he rejoined his team in the waiting room.

"You aren't going to go rogue on this like Gibbs would, are you, Tony?" asked Vance.

"I have no idea what you mean, Director," he said.

"Don't blow smoke up my ass," said Vance. "I need this handled professionally. If we are going to get Ziva back it has to be done by the book."

"The book will get her raped and killed," growled Tony.

"What do you know that I don't?" asked Vance.

"That nothing is going to happen to Ziva," he said.

"You always act differently when it's Agent David in danger, Agent DiNozzo. Is there something I should know about your relationship with each other?" asked Vance.

"Ziva different. For her I'd do anything, Director. If you want my badge, I'll give it to you right now," he said. "Or I can hand it in once I get her back and she's safe. It's your choice, but either way I'm going to get her back."

Vance stared at him for a moment. He understood the passion in his eyes and voice. If Jackie had been taken he'd act the very same way. However, he couldn't condone this sort of behavior in his agents. He could turn a blind eye.

"You can keep your badge for now," he said. "You better be in condition to hand it in when I do ask for it, Agent DiNozzo. Do you understand me?" he asked Tony.

"Crystal clear, Director," Tony said. "I have to go."

"Then go," nodded Vance.

Tony stormed out of the hospital. When he got to his latest car, which was a 1972 black Dodge Dart with a V8 engine. As he unlocked the door the burner phone rang, so he answered it.

"DiNozzo," he said.

"Are you going to listen to me, Mr. DiNozzo?" asked Lapin.

"I'll do whatever you want to get Ziva released," he said.

"I thought as much," Lapin said.

"Then tell me what I need to do," he said.

"Yes, I will. I'll call you in two hours with instructions," said Lapin. "Go home and shower, change, eat and relax. Consider it your last meal."

Lapin hung up. Tony stuck the phone back in his pocket and got into his car. He needed to figure out a way out of this for Ziva and for him.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Twelve

Tony got back to his apartment and stared at the bottle of scotch before closing his eyes and willing himself not to get drunk. He had more important things to do then get drunk and act like a self-pitying fool. _If I was willing to walk into Somalia on a suicide run for her, then this is a no brainer. _Taking his smartphone out and dialed Special Agent King.

"Yeah, boss," said King.

"I got a NCIS special agent being held captive by a weapons dealer and four mercs and I'm going to get her free. Get a hold of Lynn. He and two of his men are expert marksmen just like you. We need one more guy for this to work. Your choice. Once you got the men then get five sniper rifles and come to my place," he said.

"Sounds like a plan, boss," said King.

"When this is done and Vance asks you about it, all you have to do is tell him you were working under my orders," Tony told him.

"Just follow orders, how very Third Reich of me, boss. I think I'll tell him that I helped a man a respect do the right think. We'll be at your apartment within the hour," said King then he hung up.

Tony sighed. He'd deal with the backlash of what he was about to do when it was over and if he still could deal. The chances were that he'd be dead. He only had one real goal to his current plan and that was to get Ziva away from Lapin alive. If that meant his death, he was okay with it. He'd cost enough lives with being too late or not good enough. This time he had no intention of failing her.

NCIS

McGee sat in Gibbs hospital room looking at his boss. He'd never realized how much the man he'd followed blindly over this past few years had aged. Their boss had put a lot of wear and tear on his body and his life in general. He saw Gibbs start to stir. He was starting to wake up.

Slowly, Gibbs opened his eyes and stared at McGee.

"Hey, boss," he said.

"Where are Orr and Ziva?" he asked.

"Orr got a call and took off and Ziva was taken by Lapin," McGee told him.

Gibbs tried to sit up but couldn't. The pain in his shoulder was too great, too fresh. McGee grabbed the hand control of the pain meds and pressed the button so a dosage was released into Gibbs blood stream.

"I need to get up and out of here," Gibbs growled.

"Tony is going to take care of it, boss," McGee said.

"But Lapin wants him dead," Gibbs retorted.

"And Tony wants Ziva alive. Who do you think is going to win?" smiled McGee.

Tony and Ziva. If there was one person in the world Dinozzo would move mountains for, it was her. He'd also give his life for her, which Gibbs didn't like.

"Damn it, McGee, I need to be there, to make sure DiNozzo doesn't go too far," said Gibbs.

"Boss, you can't stop or protect him this time. It's all up to him," said McGee.

"Damn it," growled Gibbs as the pain medication kicked in and he started to feel his body succumb to sleep.

NCIS

Tony sat on his sofa staring at the burn phone and waiting for the call. Ziva's life was in his hands. Her life, his hands. There was a knock on Tony's door. He opened it and King, Lynn, Foley, Simon, and Orr walked into his apartment crying pizzas and beer.

"We are here, boss," said King. "Orr has actually filled us in on some of this shit. You have to fill us in on the rest."

Tony told them everything. He didn't leave much out, just his love for Ziva. They listened and waited for him to finish.

"Okay, it's your call. In my SUV there was five sniper rifles and six walkie talkies," King told him. "You lead and we'll follow."

"Okay, I like this. We are sort of like the Hole in the Wall gang," Tony smiled.

"Just do me a favor, boss," said King.

"What?" asked Tony.

"Try and not get yourself killed," he said.

"You might be asking a little too much," said King.

"Sure, whatever you say," Tony said.

The burn phone rang. Tony picked it up.

"Yeah, talk to me," he said.

"_Anthony DiNozzo, here is what I expect you to do_," Lapin said.

NCIS

The plan was to meet in Arlington, Virginia at the Arlington National Cemetery. They were supposed to meet at two in the morning at the _Remember the Maine_ memorial. Tony had set up a simple plan. He thought the simpler the better.

When he arrived at the Remember the Maine memorial, two big black SUVs were already there. Lapin and his mercenaries were already out of their vehicles waiting for him with Ziva standing beside Lapin. She had her hands handcuffed in front of her and was wearing a suicide vest. Tony stared at her. She looked tired, upset, and beautiful. Lapin held up his hand.

"A dead man switch," he said to Tony.

Tony raised his hand and suddenly the four mercs and Lapin were painted with red laser dots. This made Lapin laugh.

"Very good. I tried to not underestimate you, but this is good," he said. "How do you want to handle this?"

"This has to end only one way and that is with Ziva getting away without being hurt. If you send her to me, I'll have them stop aiming at you then I'll get into whichever SUV you want me to and you'll turn off the dead man switch and drop it out of the car window then you take me wherever you want to do whatever you want," he offered.

Lapin smiled at this. It was a cruel smile. Ziva turned pale. She couldn't believe what Tony was willing to do for her.

"I like it. Okay," he said then he turned to Ziva. "Walk over to your boyfriend."

Ziva stumbled forward. She was in a state of shock. This was not what was supposed to happen. Somehow this was supposed end either with her death or Gibbs saving the day. Not this.

She got to Tony and he looked into her dark brown eyes. He saw tears forming there, so he leaned down and kissed her forward.

"It's going to be alright," he said.

"Tony, don't do this," she said through gritted teeth.

He leaned towards her ear and whispered: "I have to; I love you."

"I love you, too," she said.

As he started to lift his head away, she captured his lips with her own. It was a short intense kiss that left Ziva slightly dizzy.

Tony lifted his walkie-talkie: "Guys, lower your weapons."

The red laser dots disappeared. Tony laughed to himself. This was one of the first times a plan of his was going off without a hitch and it was probably going to get him killed. He started to walk forward. Lapin motioned to one of his men, who walked forward and relieved tony of his badge, wallet, ID, smartphone, Sig Sauer, and backup knife. He then pulled Tony towards an SUV and pushed him into it.

Ziva didn't want it to happen but the tears began to flow. She dropped down on her knees and she started to sob. Lapin chuckled as he got in the same as SUV as Tony the vehicle started up and started to drive off. He stuck his hand out of the window and dropped the dead man switch then the SUV sped away with another one behind it.

"Noooo! Tooony! Please, noooo!" Ziva started to scream.

King and the rest of the men came out of their hiding spots and ran towards Ziva. Orr got on his knees beside her and started to take the suicide vest off of her, while she sobbed.

In the SUV Tony sat beside a large merc who seemed bored by the whole thing.

"That went pretty well," Tony said.

"Did it, Anthony?" said Lapin.

"Now all I have to do is get tortured and killed," Tony said. "How hard is that, right?"

"That's not what is going to happen to you. You see I miss my brother so I am now going keep a pet. You are going to be that pet," said Lapin. "We are headed to a private airfield where a jet is waiting for us then we are off to Kazakhstan, where I have an estate by a beautiful lake. There I have you trained. I like my pets to be subservient."

Tony started laughing. It was a laugh body laugh and he couldn't stop laughing until he ran out of energy and air. Lapin looked at him with surprise and waited for him to stop.

"What is so funny?" he asked him.

"I thought one of my plans had gone off without a hitch. I was wrong," he chuckled some more.

"That is amusing," chuckled Lapin.

NCIS

It had been six weeks since Ziva had watched Tony get into the SUV with Lapin. Since then NCIS, NSA, CIA, FBI, and every other agency the US had tried to track Lapin, but he disappeared. It was annoying but they hadn't found DiNozzo's body yet either. Although no one held out hope, at least there was still some hope.

It was Gibbs first day back. His mood was dark and angry to everyone but Ziva. With her, he understood how she left. Vance came down from his office looking more than a little pissed.

"Gibbs, I want you and your team in MTAC," he said.

"What is this about, Leon?" Gibbs asked.

"Hetty in OSP LA just received something about DiNozzo. She wants us to see it," Vance growled.

The team followed him up to MTAC. They were a sullen group with little hope that they would find DiNozzo alive. Once they in MTAC, Vance nodded and an image of an upset Hetty Lange appeared.

"Leon," she said.

"Hetty, I have them here. Show the damned feed you got," Vance said.

"Prepare yourselves. This is not a pleasant thing to watch," Hetty said. "Eric play it."

Hetty disappeared and an image of a beautiful lake appeared. It was idyllic with grass, trees, a mountain range, and then the sounds of a human being screaming. The camera panned to Tony DiNozzo. He was naked with a dog collar and leash on and being beaten by a man with a hand whip that jokey would use on a horse. He kept beating him until he drew blood on his back and Tony's screams ceased because the pain was just too much.

"You killed my brother, so I now have a new pet," the voice of Lapin came over the screen.

Gibbs looked over at Ziva, who looked like she was going to pass out. He nodded to McGee, who moved right beside her letting her put her hand on his arm to steady herself.

"IF he continues to train like a good pet, I will keep him for some time before I sell him on the open market to whoever wants a pet with knowledge of NCIS. If he is a bad pet and displeases, I'll kill him," said Lapin. "I hope this teaches you a lesson about hurting me, my family, and my business."

The camera panned back to Dinozzo who was being led by his leash to a large dog kennel filled with Borzois or Russian wolfhounds. He was pushed into the kennel with the dogs, who immediately became overwhelmed by them. The dogs growled at him and nipped at him and he didn't even try to protect himself.

Ziva began to cry. The taped stop and Hetty appeared again.

"I am have a cartographer review the scenes of the area and see if he can come up with a locating," said Hetty. "If we can get it down to a location it will allow us to start collecting intel."

"Let us know how it goes," said Vance then he made the cut the feed kill sign.

Vance turned and looked at Gibbs and his team.

"I want my agent back, Gibbs. Should I put you in charge of it?" he asked.

"As long as DiNozzo is living I am not stopping until he is back here and safe," stated Gibbs.

"Good," said Vance. "Whatever you need, you get him and… kill Lapin."

Vance stormed out of MTAC. Gibbs looked at the technicians.

"I want Dr. Mallard to get a copy of that. I want him to give me his best guess on the physical and mental condition of Agent DiNozzo," said Gibbs.

"Okay, Agent Gibbs," said the tech.

Gibbs turned and looked at Ziva.

"He's alive," he said to her.

She looked at him with red teary eyes.

"Do you want him back?" he asked her.

A flash of hatred passed across her face and she nodded yes.

"Then I need you to be in control of your emotions. When we get him back we can cry," he said.

"Okay, Gibbs," she groaned.

He looked at McGee and Orr: "We got work to do."

"Yes, boss," they both said at the same time.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Thirteen

Ducky with Jimmy beside him sat in Abby's lab reviewing the film of Tony studying it for signs of his health. Abby was silently crying on McGee's shoulder while Gibbs, Ziva, and Orr watched Ducky and Jimmy paused, rewound, and re-watched. Finally, Ducky paused it and turned to face Gibbs.

"Bruises, welts, bites and scratches from the dogs and probably his most obvious medical problem malnutrition, though I do worry about cracked ribs healing on their own, also. He looks to be at least fifteen to pounds under his optimal weight," Ducky said.

"I believe he is staving off infections because of the dogs licking his wounds. Dog saliva has enzymes with antibacterial agents, though the dog's tongue is abrasive and cause rashes, hence the red blotches on his skin," added Jimmy.

"My greatest overall concern is his psychological health. The long hair and beard, scruffy and wild, this is not the Tony we know. He is a man of some vanity, who cares how he looks. He has been stripped of clothes and identity and been treated like a dog. When he is being beaten, we hear him scream or howl in pain but we don't hear any sarcastic comments or see any fight in his eyes. He is a broken man, or, at least, appears to be a broken man," said Ducky.

"You saw that moment, too," said Jimmy.

"Yes, Mr. Palmer, it was just at the end when he was entering the cage," Ducky said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" growled Gibbs.

"Oh, yes, at the end for just a split second you see the Anthony we have come to love," Ducky said.

He turned on the stream again. Right at the very end as Tony was being lead into the dog kennel his eyes darkened and he glared at the camera with hatred shining through. Somewhere inside of him, there still was some fight left.

"Who would they sell him to, Gibbs?" asked Ziva.

"Terrorists, certain countries, who want are looking to either embarrass or gain information into our navy. They squeeze information out of him then murder him," said Gibbs.

"I need to contact my father. Lapin hides where Mossad has many eyes and ears," said Ziva.

"Do you want me to schedule some time in MTAC?" asked Gibbs.

"Yes," she said.

There was a grimness about Ziva that Ducky hadn't seen since she first joined. When Tony traded himself for her, she must have realized just how silly rule twelve was and her fears. She was now a woman on a mission to find the man she loved.

"I would recommend finding him before what little fight he has left is gone. It will be hard enough to bring him back now, but if he is a complete empty shell then I'd say Tony is gone," said Ducky.

"We will, Ducky," Gibbs said.

NCIS

Lapin had Tony dressed in loose fitting jeans and a white shirt with loafers. He was being led by his trainer into Lapin's private jet airplane. He kept his eyes caste down so as to not make eye contact. If the trainer saw the hatred in his eyes, he be beaten and forced to live with the dogs again. All he wanted to do now was get one chance to grab Lapin's throat and kill him before he was killed. That was all that he lived for. Thoughts of rescue were gone months ago. Gibbs wasn't coming. He was alone and would die that way. No, he'd take Lapin with him and that would make him happy.

"Sit," the trainer barked and tony sat in a chair in the back.

The trainer dropped his leash and walked away to talk to Lapin. They thought he was completely broken and in some ways, he was. He was afraid of everyone around him. All people scared him. However, like all scared beasts, his fear had some anger and it was that anger that he kept alive in order to find that moment to attack Lapin.

"Where are we headed, sir?" asked the trainer.

"I own a compound near Tripoli on the beach. I have some business to take care of then I think it is time to sell our pet. It was been a pleasure training but now I want to make some money from him," said Lapin.

"He is ready for a new owner. He will not be a problem," said the trainer.

"Good, Abram, you have done brilliantly," smiled Lapin. "I have hours of footage to watch when I need entertainment."

"Yes, sir," said the trainer.

Tony sat and listened as he stared at the plane's rug. He was running out of time to kill his master. Soon he'll have to take his chance.

NCIS

The Easter Island-like face of Eli David appeared on the MTAC. Ziva stood in front of the screen looking at her father, a man who she had long ago ceased to worship yet still loved deep down. Vance and Gibbs sat in the back row of MTAC. They sat quietly and observed.

"_Aba_," Ziva spoke to her father in Hebrew, "_I need your help_."

She stared at her father and thought she saw more grey in his hair than before. Yet, he was still the imposing spymaster Eli David and she was once his sharp end of the spear.

"_Daughter, you must be desperate to talk to me_," he said.

"_I am. If you cannot help me then I may be lost_," she said.

"_My Ziva lost. I cannot believe that. You have made it through too much to be lost. I have watched from afar. This Ray Cruz did not make you lost then who can_?" he asked.

"_Anthony DiNozzo_," she said.

"_Ahh_," he smiled, "_Agent Meatball, the man who rescued you from Somalia. He is also the man who killed Michael and a man I underestimated_. _He is a man who I feared stole your heart, yet you never did fall into his arms as I feared. He made me look like I was new to the business in that interrogation. I remember him well_."

"_He has been missing for over six months. We know he is in the hands of Ashar Lapin," _said Ziva.

"_I know. No man should be treated as he has been. Ashar has broken him and treats him like a pet. My men heard rumors in Kazakhstan. I had them check into it and they found out the truth," _Eli said.

"_And you did nothing," _she growled.

"_Kazakhstan. We would have need to mobile the IDF to get to him there. There was nothing we could do_," Eli said.

"_That is not an excuse. You could have told us where he was_," she spat.

"_He does not belong to me and no one asked me for him_," Eli replied.

"_Do you know where he is now_?" she asked.

"_Yes_," he answered.

"_Where is he_?" Ziva demanded. Her temper was frayed. She couldn't believe that her father had known where he was and said nothing because he wasn't asked.

"_Ask me for help, daughter. Ask your father for help. If you ask me I will give it to you," _Eli said.

She took several deep breaths. All the memories of why she was willing to give up her beloved country to become an American citizen came rushing back to her. She was a tool of Mossad and nothing more. Even if her father said he loved her, it didn't matter in the end. Israel and Mossad came before fatherhood.

"_Help me find him and bring him home, father. I love him and I can't live without him. I don't want to live without him any longer_," she said.

"_He is in Tripoli at Lapin's compound on the beach. I can justify an operation to kill Lapin. He has sold many weapons used to kill Israeli citizens_," he said.

"_I want to be involved in the op_," she said.

"_I will accept you and your sniper boss Gibbs. I will be in touch with you when to come to Israel_," he said. "_Goodbye, daughter_."

The screen went blank. Ziva stood there. He body began to shake and soon the tears started to flow. Gibbs came down to her and wrapped her in his arms treating her more like a daughter than Eli ever did.

"What happened, Ziva?" asked Vance. "My Hebrew is rusty and you two went along to fast."

"He knew where Tony was but never told us because we never asked for his help," she sobbed as Gibbs held her.

"Eli sometimes has a ways to improve before he can be just called a bastard," said Vance.

She tried to compose herself. Stepping away from Gibbs Ziva looked at Gibbs and Vance.

"He is in Tripoli at Lapin's compound," she said.

"Libya," sighed Vance. "I'll never get an op approved for there."

"Eli is going to put together an op to kill Lapin. He will allow me and Gibbs to be part of it. He will contact us to tell us when to come to Israel," she said.

"We'll bring him home, Ziva," Gibbs said.

"I know nothing about this ops, but I will be sending you two to Israel for an exchange of information," Vance said.

Ziva nodded her head and dried her eyes. She couldn't act this weak when she went to Israel. There she had to be nothing but strength and she would be for Tony.

NCIS

He was allowed to wear clothes and fed decently for a change, though they still did not allow him a knife or fork to use. Lapin kept him in a room for a change, not in a kennel sleeping on the hard cold ground with only other dogs to keep him warm. No, this time he was kept locked up in a small room and his trainer came to take him out for exercise twice a day like a good dog.

He still wasn't allowed close enough ti his master, though, to sink his teeth in his throat. He wanted to taste his blood just once before he died. If he could just sink his teeth into his jugular before drawing his last breath, he'd die happy.

The door opened and his train walked over to him and hooked the leash to his collar. It was time for some exercise on the beach. He'd continue to do as he was told if he could just get a chance at his master's throat.

NCIS

The call had come for Ziva and Gibbs to proceed to Tel Aviv. Vance booked them on an El Al flight and they were off. Gibbs noticed that the already at times quiet Ziva now made him seem talkative. He feared that if they didn't succeed to bring Tony home then he'd lose his surrogate son and a surrogate daughter. He couldn't allow that to happen.

The flight was long but uneventful. When they got to Tel Aviv an armored black SUV was waiting for them along with Malachi and Liat. They were ushered past security and all other formalities and into the SUV then driven straight to Mossad headquarters to meet with Eli.

They were escorted to Eli's small office. It was simple and unassuming and didn't really represent the power that the man who sat behind the desk power and influence. Eli liked to present himself as a servant of Israel. This kept him in the powerful position of Deputy Director in charge of Aman, military intelligence and external security. Covert ops belonged to him, as did the Kidon unit.

"Agent Gibbs, it has been too long," he said he then ordered tea for them to his secretary. "Ziva, my daughter, you are still a beauty."

"When do we move against Lapin?" she asked.

"No informalities and exchange of pleasantries," he laughed. "You have changed and you haven't."

"We do not have time to waste," she said.

"We have some time to waste. You and Gibbs will need to take a couple of days to train with my men then you will be allowed to know the plan. Until then you are guest and will be treated as such. Ziva, your Aunt Nettie wishes to see you and she shall. And Gibbs, you'll be my guest," said Eli.

"I go along with this because I have no alternative," said Ziva.

"Ziva, I do not care of how you feel about things. I merely expect you to follow orders and do as I say," Eli said.

"Those days are gone. I am here for Tony. If I listen to you and do as you say, it is for him," she said.

"Fine," smiled Eli then he looked at Gibbs. "You're man is still alive and being treated better than before. They are preparing him to be sold, so we have a small window. Tonight you eat dinner at my place and tomorrow you and Ziva train," Eli said.

"Whatever you want, just as long as we get DiNozzo back," stated Gibbs.

Ziva nodded in agreement. It was almost time to get Tony back.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fourteen

Tony was just lying in the bed waiting as he did most nights when his trainer came into the room. He immediately sat up. It was expected of him and he didn't want to do anything unexpected until he had an opening.

"Time for your nighttime walk," said the trainer.

He attached the leash to his collar and started pulling him towards the door when gunfire broke out. It was loud and startling. The trainer stopped to listen from where it was coming from. He started to look towards the window. Tony saw there was panic in his face, so he decided to act now.

Grabbing hold of his leash, he wrapped quickly around the trainer's neck and started choking him. The trainer fought back, but with all the strength he had, Tony wouldn't let go and kept choking him until he was dead. Once the man fell to the floor, he reached up, took off the collar, and rubbed the red and bruised circle around his throat.

There was more gunfire, so Tony opened the door to his room and bolted. He wanted to find Lapin and kill him not even caring if he escaped or not. There was only one goal mow and that was the death of Lapin. He was driven to kill him. Heading down a hallway, he saw two dead bodies then he noticed Lapin and several of his men escaping through the glasses towards to the beach and the water. He took off after them.

"Tony," a familiar voice called to him, but he ignored it and kept running after Lapin. He could not let the man get away.

First, one of his men's chest exploded and he fell down dead. There was a snipe looking out for Tony. He didn't know who it was only that there was. Next, another one fell dead, as sniper took them out. He kept running after Lapin and his two remaining men.

"Tony!" the female voice called to him again.

He turned to see a female figure in black clothes with her hair pulled back. She looked familiar and he felt like he should wait for her, but he couldn't stop running after Lapin. He needed to get to Lapin. One of the remaining guards turned to shoot him but the sniper took him out.

Tony hurdled the dead body, caught Lapin from behind, and tackled him. The last guard was about to shoot Tony when Ziva put three in his chest, as she caught up to Tony and Lapin. With what strength he had left Tony threw punch after punch at Lapin, who fought back. His strength was waning, though, and Lapin threw him off and tried to get up. As he did Ziva pulled a knife out and sliced his throat then she talked into a walkie-talkie.

"I'm going to evac via the water with Tony. We won't make it to the helicopter exit point from here," she said.

"A black fast boat will pick you up," a voice said.

She out the walkie-talkie away and turned to Tony. He was exhausted and free, but mainly exhausted. Ziva walked over to him and tried to help him up but he pulled away and started to move away from her.

"Tony, it is me. It is Ziva," she said.

"Please, let me just stay here and die," he begged.

Tears burned at his eyes. She finally took a good look at him. He was raggedy, long hair and beard and far too thin. His eyes now looked haunted. She needed him to get up and get in the water with her. Ziva walked over, grabbed him by the white shirt, and stared into his face. She really didn't want to do this but she had to in order to get him moving again.

"You are coming with me now or I will punish you," she yelled at him.

His eyes cleared for a moment as they filled with hatred and anger.

"Come with me now!" she demanded.

With help from Ziva he got up and they ran towards the water. They entered the surface and started to swim out to sea. She knew that they had to get several hundred yards out for the boat to pick them up then take them to an Israeli ship. Somewhere in the water was a Super Dvora MkII class patrol boat. Once they were on that they were home free.

They swam through the surf and headed steadily out to sea. Tony's strokes were getting weaker and weaker. He just didn't have the strength to do this. For too many months he had been beaten and starved, so this was just too taxing on his system. His arms stopped functioning and his legs barely kept him afloat. Ziva swam over to him, grabbed him, and started to swim with him as if she was a lifeguard. His body was tense and fighting her. It was as if he wanted to die.

"I am not letting you die," she said.

"Why?" he asked in a hoarse voice since he had barely spoken in months just screamed in pain.

"Because I can't live without you, either," she said to him. He suddenly relaxed in her arms letting her pull him.

The purr of the inflatable fast boat could be heard. Ziva swam towards it pulling Tony along with her. Her heart was beating like a steady drum, as the boat approached.

"We are going home, Tony," she said. "We are going home."

"I no longer have a home," he murmured softly.

"Yes, you do," she said and kept swimming.

NCIS

He was two days in Tel Aviv hospital being treated for dehydration, malnutrition, and much more. Gibbs and Ziva took turns guarding his door at the hospital. They didn't want anyone to see him unless they approved. They were standing together in the hallway when Eli showed up. He had a file under his right arm, which he handed to Ziva.

"This is his hospital record," said Eli. "I have a Gulfstream waiting for you at the airport to fly you to DC. He needs weeks in a hospital to physically recover as well as other help."

"We leaving now?" asked Gibbs.

"Yes," said Eli.

"Good. I want to get him home," Ziva said.

"What is left of him," remarked Eli.

Ziva glared at her father.

"He killed the man who was called his trainer and was trying to kill Lapin when I caught up with him. He still has life and fight in him. I will get my Tony back," she growled.

Gibbs put a hand on her shoulder to calm her. Ziva pulled away and went into Tony's room to be with him. She didn't want to talk to her father. Gibbs would handle that.

She walked over to his bed. They had shaved him and cut his hair. Now he was asleep, mainly drug induced. He was right about something that he no longer had a place to stay in DC. When he was released from the hospital, he would stay in her apartment. With her right hand, she ran it through his hair.

"Sleep, Ahuvi, we will get you home and then I will show you how much I need you and love you," she said.

Gibbs entered the hospital room. He walked up beside her.

"We leave in two hours," he said.

"Good," she said.

"He offered a doctor for the plane ride for him," Gibbs said.

"I'll take care of him on the plane," Ziva told him.

"Okay, Ziver, he's all yours know," smiled Gibbs.

"Do you think he'll ever recover completely, Gibbs?" she asked.

"DiNozzo will recover eventually, especially if you give him a reason to recover," said Gibbs.

"I will, Gibbs," she said, as she stared at Tony.

NCIS

After they got Tony into the jet, he collapsed from medication and exhaustion. Ziva laid him down in the back of the plane on seats and put his head in her lap. She kept running her hand through his hair, which kept him calm and allowed him to sleep.

Gibbs watched him from his seat. Seeing them like that made him realized that his rule 51 was one of his better ones. Sometimes he was wrong. In regards to keeping Ziva and Tony apart he was wrong.

"I radioed ahead to Ducky and a room waiting at Bethesda for him as well as Dr. Brad Pitt. I also told them to keep everyone away from for a while, except you, Ducky, and me. Vance agreed," said Gibbs.

"I intend on keeping him safe this time at any cost," Ziva stated.

"I know, Ziver," Gibbs said. "He's been through enough."

NCIS

Ducky was in conference with Dr. Pitt at the nurses' station when Ziva arrived. Tony had developed a fever and was fighting off an infection. Ducky blamed his weakened condition for this.

"Ziva, Brad, and I were discussing some therapies for, Anthony," Ducky said to her as he saw Ziva headed for his room.

"Whatever you think is best for him, Ducky," she said.

"I wanted to know when Ducky thought would be the best time to introduce a psychologist to him. His body is healing slowly, but healing. I worry about his psyche," said Dr. Pitt.

"He still has not said more than two words to many since we got him back from Israel and that was a week ago," Ziva said. "I ask if things and he either says yes or no. Sometimes he asks for water. It frustrating."

"Do you show your frustration?" asked Ducky.

"I try not to," said Ziva.

"Jethro said the same thing," Ducky said to Brad.

"He is completely internalized everything, which is slowing down the healing process. It's like he is blaming himself for what happened to him," Brad said.

"That dos fit Anthony's personality," said Ducky.

"Well, it's unhealthy for him right now to act like that," said Brad.

"Agreed," Ducky said.

Ziva listened and was torn between anger and great sadness. How could he blame himself for they treated him?

"Ducky, I was going to go in and spend some time with him. Gibbs gave me the afternoon off. Do you mind if I go in to see him now?" she said.

"No, dear girl. He is eating at the moment," said Ducky.

"Thank you," she said then walked down the hallway and entered Tony's room.

There was no TV or music on. It was just him in bed seated and playing with his food, which was spaghetti with meat sauce with a roll and green Jell-O for dessert. Ziva watched him for a moment. He didn't look up from his plate.

"Ducky told me that you blame yourself for what happened," she said.

He looked up at her. In his sea green eyes she saw guilt, which broke her heart. However, she was not there to let him feel sorry for himself.

"I have made many mistakes and some of them have haunted, but what happened to you was not your fault. You are not to blame for what happened to you. Those bastards tortured you and you survived," she said.

"What do you regret?" he asked saying more to say to her than he had so far.

"I regret not telling you the complete truth about how I feel about you," she said.

He looked back down at his food.

"I am afraid at how you make me feel. I can survive losing Ray and Michael, but I don't think I could survive losing you from my life. That is how important you are to me. I love you, Tony," she said.

"Not worth it," he said softly.

"You are not worth loving?" she asked him.

"Yes," he answered again barely above a whisper.

She walked up to the side of his bed and sat down in the chair that was there.

"You apartment is no longer your apartment. Gibbs put some of your stuff in storage and some in his basement for storage. Once your fever is gone and you are feeling better they are going to release you and you are going to live with me at my apartment. I don't care if you don't want to live with me because you are," she said to him.

"I have no say?" he asked.

"No," she answered.

He took a fork and put some of the food in his mouth. It was an insult to his Italian heritage, but suddenly he had a bit of his appetite back. It wasn't much but it was a start.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Fifteen

"I want you to do the breathing therapy I showed you every morning," Dr. Pitt told Tony. "I also want you to use hot water and eucalyptus in a bowl breathing it in with a towel over your and your head over the bowl. It works to open up the lungs and loosen phlegm. Otherwise your lungs are in good shape."

"Okay, doc," said Tony without much enthusiasm.

"Now," Brad said then he turned to look at Ziva, "I hear he is staying at your place until he gets a new apartment. Make sure he eats properly and gets rest. His body took a lot of trauma and we want him back to one hundred percent."

"I will take care of him," Ziva said.

"Well, I'll get your paperwork and you are free to go," said Dr. Pitt, who then exited.

"I need to get dress," he stated it simply.

"I'll step outside," Ziva said and stepped out of the hospital room and into the hallway.

Tony was still distant with all of them, though he had at least started to engage in some conversation. His walls were up high and thick and getting through them wasn't going to be an easy task. It was as if he didn't trust anyone anymore.

"You can come in," he yelled.

Ziva re-entered the room. Tony was dressed in jeans, OSU tee shirt, and a leather jacket. He had gained a few pounds back in the hospital but he still looked too thin.

"Come, Tony, let me take you home," Ziva said.

NCIS

Ziva showed him into her spare room. Her apartment was located in Reston, VA. She lived in alcohol distillery converted into apartments. It was a roomy two bedroom with exposed brick walls and hardwood floors. Her piano was in the corner of living room and there was even a TV and Blu-ray player, things her old apartment didn't have. They were there because of the influence of Tony who got her interested in movies, not all movies like him, but in some movies.

Tony had never been to this apartment of hers. The last apartment he had been to of hers was in Georgetown and Mossad helped pay for it and he killed Michael Rivkin there. Mossad blew that one up. After that incident he never even asked to see her new apartment and when she had a house warming dinner, she didn't invite him and he didn't complain this time that he wasn't invited. He understood that they had a baggage to deal with.

Their history with each other was deep and often painful. Now Ziva regretted never inviting him to this apartment because the moment he entered it he seemed uncomfortable in it. It was as if he thought he didn't belong there and she wanted him to belong there.

"After I talk to Vance and see if I have a job at NCIS, I'll start looking for a place of my own," he told her, as he put his bag in the corner.

"Tony, please unpack. Gibbs has already left some of your suits, shirts, and ties in the closet. You can stay here as long as you want," Ziva said.

"No," he snapped. "I really need a place of my own."

"I want you here, Tony," she said.

"Thank you, but I like being alone," he said.

"Director Vance told me that he did expect you at NCIS for a therapy session tomorrow," she said to him.

"Fine. Do you mind if I have some privacy?" he asked.

"Okay," she said then shut the spare bedroom door leaving him alone in there.

He was far from himself. Ziva refused to think of him as a defeated man, but then again she couldn't phantom living as he did for as long as he had. She had gone through torture and things in Somalia that made her want to die, but she came to a sense of peace there and was ready to die. He did not seem at peace as he seemed broken.

She took her smartphone out to call Gibbs as she promised him she would.

"_Gibbs_," he answered.

"I have him home," she said.

"_How does he seem_?" he asked.

"Gibbs, he seems like a shell of the man he was," she said.

"_Rachel Cranston warned me that he might be like that. She said what they did to him would have re-enforced every negative thing that happened to him as a kid. He always had problems with_ _guilt and self-worth but now she's afraid those perceptions have been cemented_," Gibbs said.

"I am not going to give up on him, Gibbs," she said.

"_Then you'll be the one to bring him back_," Gibbs said then hung up.

The rest of the day and night she waited for him to leave his room but he never did. When she woke the next morning, he was already gone. He left a note telling her he had taken a bus to NCIS.

"Damn it," she mumbled.

NCIS

Rachel gave Tony a long appraisal. Gone was the defense of humor and the many masks he'd slap on to hide behind. He no longer needed masks to hide, she thought. He no longer even bothered with masks.

"Tony, do you still want to be a special agent?" she asked him.

He looked at her with an expression of surprise then thought about it.

"I don't know," he finally answered.

"You know you didn't deserve what happened to you," she said.

"I didn't deserve it but I walked into it. That says something about me," he said.

"You did that for someone you love," she said.

He didn't respond to her but looked down at the floor of the room they were in. The indoor-outdoor carpet was beige and ugly.

"I want to get back to work. I need something to do and I'm a cop by nature. It's who I am," he said.

"I could recommend that you work cold cases for a while once you get the okay from doctors. We can do therapy sessions in the morning and then you can work cold cases until you're ready for more. How does that sound?" Rachel asked.

"That's sounds fair to me," he answered.

"Not fine or peachy?" she asked.

"I haven't been fine or peachy in a long time," he admitted.

"Good. I'm glad you can admit that, Tony," she said.

"Rachel do you think I'll ever sleep without nightmares?" he asked.

"In time," she smiled.

"I'd like to just get to that point. That would be enough for me," he said.

"I think we can do better than that," she said.

NCIS

Tony sat in Vance's office as Vance read Rachel's recommendations. He nodded to himself then put the folder down and looked at Tony.

"OSP DC wants you back. Your people want you back as SAC. I was thinking of turning the SAC position into a non-field position and just letting you run the operations. Would you have a problem with that?" he asked.

"No, I wouldn't. I want to get back to work, but I don't necessarily have to go back out into the field," he said.

"There was a time when you were a field agent and only field agent," Vance said.

"Times and people change. I could be an office bound special agent in charge, especially when it's something like OSP," he said.

"I agree with her recommendations to a point. Instead of cold cases, I'd like to get you back involved with OSP DC. Ast. Director Granger has been running the office without you," Vance paused and searched for the right word, "gone. Do you mind working beside him for a time?"

"No, sir," he said.

"Once you get the medical okay then therapy sessions in the morning and working yourself back into OSP," Vance nodded.

"Thank you, sir," he said.

"You have a bit of back pay coming to you. I recommend you go to personnel and get those checks released," said Vance.

"Good. That will let me get an apartment of my own," smiled Tony.

Tony got up and exited Vance's office, walked past Cynthia and stood on the mezzanine taking a deep breath. Below him Abby, Ziva, McGee, Gibbs, and Orr spied him. They waited for him to come down but instead of walking down the steps, he went to the elevator down from Vance's elevator and pressed the button. The doors opened and he got in.

"He avoids me in my apartment," Ziva said. "He went into the spare bedroom when I brought him home and never came out."

Gibbs heard that and sighed. He couldn't let Dinozzo continue to live in his shell.

"Ziva, go out for a drink tonight with Abby," Gibbs said. "I need to talk to DiNozzo."

He got up and walked away. Abby broke out into a big smile, while Ziva stared at Gibbs' empty desk.

"He'll fix him," Abby said.

"I hope so, Abby," Ziva said.

NCIS

Tony grabbed a sandwich and soup at a local dinner then returned to Ziva's place. She wasn't home when he entered which was a relief. He didn't want to talk about what happened or have people feel sorry for him. He'd rather avoid people then have to be stared at with sympathy or be asked about it.

"Enough hiding, DiNozzo," Gibbs said to him as he came out of the kitchen.

Tony had almost jumped out of his skin as he saw his boss with a mug of coffee in his hand.

"Not hiding, Gibbs," he said.

"Yes, you are. You're hiding from yourself, form what happened, and form those who care for you," he said.

"I don't want to do this," Tony stated.

"Too bad because we are doing this," Gibbs snapped. "You survived, DiNozzo. You did more than survive; you beat him. Lapin is dead and you're not. That's worth celebrating not avoiding," Gibbs said.

"He took something from me, boss, and I don't know if I can get it back," said Tony.

"What did he take from you, Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"He took my ability to protect myself. They ripped it away from me, all my fucking ways of keeping the pain away, and they ripped that away from me," Tony said with his voice filled with pain.

Gibbs understood this. He had his ways of keeping the pain away.

"Tony, they didn't take everything, but you are letting them take everything," Gibbs said.

He walked over to Tony. Placing his mug down, he didn't bother to ask, or wait, but he wrapped his arms around the younger man and hugged him like a father hugs a son. Tony started sobbing. He buried his face on Gibbs' shoulder, who gently patted his head.

"Let it all out then move on. It's what we go. We get up and we move on and do what needs to be done," Gibbs told him.

"Boss, they hurt me," he cried.

"And we took care of them. Now come back to your family. Stop avoiding us," he said.

"Okay, boss, okay," he continued to cry and Gibbs held onto him.

NCIS

Ziva got into her apartment there was a note waiting for her from Gibbs.

_He's on the mend. Take care of him. _

_Gibbs. _

She read it and smiled. Walking down the hallway she got underdressed, grabbed one of Tony's OSU tee shirts that she had gotten in the habit of wearing to bed while he was gone, and slipped into bed. She wasn't sure what time it was when she heard the cry, but she knew it was Tony.

Bolting out of bed, she grabbed her Sig Sauer and rushed into the spare bedroom. He was lying there sound asleep wrestling with the sheets and a nightmare. In the blue darkness of the bedroom, she could see he was sweating and in anguish as he relieved what happened to him and tried to deal with it in his sleep.

Ziva placed her gun down on the bedside table then sat down on his bed. He continued to move thrashing about in the bed. She could see the permanent scars on his back and ribcage and wanted to kill Lapin again and again, for what he put Tony through. Caressing his face, she tried to calm him.

"It's a dream, Tony. Wake up. It's a dream," she said.

She knew something about nightmares that could almost destroy you. She dealt with them after Somalia.

His eye shot open and he stared at Ziva. She wiped the sweat away from his brow.

"It is alright. You are safe here with me," she said.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, as if it was the first thing that popped in his head.

"There is nothing to be sorry for," she said. "I am here for you."

"Jesus, I really have a get my own place if I'm going to end up having nightmares that made you scream," he said.

"You don't have to leave here," she said. "I'll help you deal with them."

He sat up in bed and stared into her eyes. There was a time he'd have felt like the luckiest man in the world to have Ziva in his bed, but now he was no longer sure of himself.

"You don't have to," he said quietly.

"Yes, I do," she said.

"Why?" he asked as he stared into her eyes and saw something, there he had always wanted to see.

"Because I love you, Tony," she said then kissed him.

It was a simple kiss, a slight pressure on the lips, yet it broke a dam of bent of passion. Tony brought his hand up to the back of Ziva' head, interlaced his fingers in her hair and drew her mouth back to his then he devoured her mouth. They kissed deeply and until their lungs needed oxygen then they separated to fill their lungs with air.

"I shouldn't have done that," he said.

"Yes, you should," Ziva replied in a hoarse voice then she kissed him again.

He lay back down and she joined him in the bed. This was the start of his healing and something more. Pain was still there but Tony felt something stronger than pain pushing it aside to make room for her. As they kissed and slowly discovered each other neither one of them had the feeling that they would be sleeping alone again. It had been a long time in coming but Tony and Ziva were finally together.


End file.
